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X Factor NZ: Group Think, Week 10 – Mel Blatt Lust & Shirtless Hatbeard Disgust

The Spinoff knights meet at the television roundtable to talk week 10 on X Factor NZ. Topics include opportunities for cross-promotion, Israel Dagg’s music video debut and a general sense of apathy.

Renee Church on The Blatt-Chelorette

We can’t deny it anymore. Mel Blatt is a straight babe, and all males in association with the show (who would be/are in the overs category) are in the battle for the All Saint’s heart.

Contender 1. Steve Broad:
Being constantly romantically linked with Blatt by Dominic, he’s the original when it comes to Mel’s love interests. (Plus there’s a lot of one-on-one studio time now that he’s the only left-over… get it?)

Contender 2. Dom Bowden:
He’s been laying on the “Mel and Steve” narrative reealll thick lately so he’s obviously jealous. But then it got real when he asked Mel out on live TV. Mel and Dom go way back – all the way back to season 1.

Contender 3. Guy Williams
Guy is the only contender to actually take Mel on a date, (a fake date featuring Stan Walker loitering) so that’s the best offer we’ve had so far.

So who will win Mel’s heart? Probably no one, but let’s hope for a Spring wedding and a spread in Woman’s Day.

Robyn Gallagher on the Video Vibes

Season two of X Factor NZ has obviously completely fallen apart and can never be saved. So instead of voting for acts based on the songs they sing, I’m going to judge them based on their introductory videos. This week’s winner was Brendon Thomas and the Vibes.

Their video started with the group remembering their inspiring encounter with Ed Sheeran. “It’s really nice to see an artist who we actually respect in the charts,” Michael Vibes reckoned, throwing major shade on all the show’s other guest performers. Take that, Ricky Martin, Timmy Trumpet and Jason Kerrison. Especially you Jason Kerrison.

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The second part of the video was even better (worse). The really innocuous discussion of song choice was accompanied by the Arctic Monkeys’ darkly sexual song ‘Do I Wanna Know?‘, and with it came a hint of an alternate reality. A world where BT and the V get in touch with the D, take a break from the endless variations of garage rock and explore the realm of moody, sexy rock. But no. The song they ended up performing was yet more forgettable, neutered garage rock, with Brendon Thomas himself describing the band’s Sheeran-inspired path as being, “Cool. Sweet. We’ll just keep doing our own thing.”Yeah, and they’ll probably end up winning the show. Cockers.

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Joseph Harper on Israel Dagg X Fleetwood Mac

I made this video.

P.s. I am dead now via I ride with Mae Valley and die with Mae Valley. The Kingslayer is unstoppable. I’m out on music till their rise from the ashes at the 2016 Gold Guitar awards. Onward to Gore.

Talia Smith on Giving Up

Generally at about this time of every and any X Factor or singing competition, I get bored and tune out. When acts like Brendon Thomas and the Vibes are in and Finlay is out – I just can’t be bothered. When Hatbeard continues to pop veins in his face and Dom keeps doing the same ol’ tired jokes, my heart sinks and I change the channel (well in my case fast forward the stream). And then the final nail in the coffin…this image:

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I’m dead & buried. I may rise like a Phoenix from the ashes of bad singing competitions next week but for now peace out.

Eli Mathewson on Celeb Choice

Maybe I’ve been away for just enough episodes to reignite my flame but I enjoyed this week. There, I said it. More celeb-choice themes in all shows in my opinion. Dom Harvey should choose what they cook in Masterchef. JayJay should pick her favourite facial expression for them to use on Next Top Model. Israel Dagg should choose the lead in story on Campbell Live.

Actually maybe every story should be celeb choice on Campbell Live. Excuse me for a second, I think I just #SavedCampbellLive

Alex Casey on Stan’s Hat

jeepers

Jeepers creepers I am over this show.

Duncan Greive Wants Mae Valley and Lili on The Bachelor NOW

I know it’s finished filming and Art Green is either (pick a rumour) with one of them or with his old girlfriend or secretly bisexual or whatever, and that Matilda was at Coco’s last week and had a glass of wine spilled all over her but was really cool about it…

I know all this but I still really badly want to keep Mae Valley on my TV and think the best solution is to just smush them into The Bachelor somehow, in a Bachelor Australia-style ‘fresh meat’ drop. Lili too – she’s clinging on for grim death, but that Karaka mansion looks nicer (and definitely smells nicer) than the Epsom pad which is almost entirely populated by gross boys. Poppy’s farts over Stevie’s any day, right?

Anyway – we know Art Green loves his blonde sheilas, and these three are nothing if not blonde sheilas. Mae Valley would function like a Northern branch of the now-defunct Kristie/Alysha alliance, and could lead increasingly ragged Lindauer-fueled singalongs during the endless downtime between dates. Lili could beat out Chrystal for ‘most hardout eye makeup’. And it’s a bloody cross promotion – MediaWorks favourite/only trick! How has this not happened already?!

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