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X Factor NZ: Group Think, Week Eleven – The Milky Bar Broad, Demi and the Vibes and Buff Times

The weary few remaining Spinoff knights meet at the television roundtable to discuss week 11 on X Factor NZ

Talia Smith on Milky Bar Broad

I have finally decided who Steve Broad/Bored is and I am bloody happy because this mystery has been plaguing me for weeks. He is the grown up version of the Milky Bar Kid.

He is the blandest, most uncomfortably earnest, cheesiest, twinkle-in-his-empty-eyes kind of dude that I feel like the Milky Bar Kid would have probably grown up to be. He seems like A Genuinely Nice Dude who probably would have featured in an Enid Blyton book or two.

It also didn’t help that this week he wore a ridiculous full white, higher being-like suit for his godawful Usher cover of ‘Climax’ – plus the fact that Usher is his musical hero. Usher. Boredy Broad is the complete opposite to everything that Usher embodies.

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But I guess the milky bars were really on him because Boredy is here to stay for another week.

Robyn Gallagher on the Bright Side

Instead of remaining angry at how awful series two has become, I will look on the bright side and shall celebrate three of the best moments of this week’s elimination show.

The musical guests were actually quite good. Series two has upped its game with the Monday night music, but there have still been more than a few dull local acts. This week saw new songs from Avalanche City and Gin Wigmore. And you know what? They were both really good. The Gin song especially – what a saucy stomper of a tune that was.

This week’s elimination was a classic X Factor shocker. All of the judges (except Mel, who was probably still doubtful on the inside) thought that Steve would go home. But he didn’t! All those grown-up fangirls backed their boy and instead Lili and Stevie ended up in the bottom two, saving the nervous Southland schoolteacher for another week.

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Brendon Thomas and the Vibes were outed as pop fans. Every week BT and the V come throwing rockist, anti-pop shade, but there’s always been something that’s felt not quite right about it. This week the truth was revealed when Michael Vibes admitted that he had a teen crush on Demi Lovato. Those are some solid pop roots hiding beneath the comedy ’60s fancy dress. So did Brendon Thomas discipline his vibesman for going off-message? Or does BT harbour an even darker pop past?

Alex Casey on the TV3 Buffer

Look at this peen-crazed buffer!

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Renee Church on the Strength in Vibes

BT&V obviously stands for Blessed Times for the Vibes because they’ve been voted in on X Factor for another week. I’m very openly stoked.

Right now – other than ol’ Mikey gazing at his selfie with Demi Lovato – the band is probably knelt beside their beds at the X Factor crib, thanking their rock gods. Brendon is giving thanks to Hendrix, who has “offered him the fruits of his spiritual path through the medium of music.” Tim is most likely thanking drummers like Keith Moon, John Bonham and (is contractually obligated to thank) Shelton, too. I’d imagine Mikey is giving thanks to the folk Gods, ie: The Lovin’ Spoonful or even The Yardbirds. He’s probably using the word ‘salutations’ a lot.

P.S: re-read this again but imagine they are in the pyjamas they wore on Sunday night’s show.

Angella Dravid on the Biggest Loser

I have just realised that there are no X Factor winners…just losers. If you think I’m referring to ‘loser’ as used in primary to high school vernacular, I’m not. This goes beyond that. Whoever wins X Factor will ultimately set foot (or glance) into an industry where money replaces musical innovation, and talent.

Who cares about the spectacular displays at the live shows? This show needs to ease you in to the disappointment when you go back to being beige – or worse – performing at events as a minor celebrity. I want to get into the hype as we enter the finale, but the only certainty I have is that we all die in this short life.

This guy I liked brought his girlfriend to my gig, sorry.

Eli Mathewson

What’s going on with the voting? This show is insane. I think the main motivating factor for most people voting is “that cute little Steve Broad shouldn’t have to go back to cold cold Invercargill.

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