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True Detective: Washed-Up Actors and World Weary Quotes – What to Expect From Season Two

The new season of True Detective starts tonight, bringing with it a whole new story, cast and setting. Time may well be a flat circle, but feels like a bloody long time to me since the first season. I’ve decided to assemble a refresher package for those delving back into the musky True Detective world. Here are a few things you can expect from the only cop show with sprawling existential philosophy, borderline supernatural vibes and tiny men made of beer cans.

1) Two Male Actors in Urgent Need of a Career Revival

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The stars of season one have risen from the ashes, and are now luxuriating on the golden throne that is post-True Detective fancy TV glory. With Matthew McConaughey off being an Oscar-winning Hot Dad, and Woody Harrelson playing a president in LBJ, everyone is looking to see how the new cast will prevail. In case you’ve been buried under a sculpture of deer antlers for the past few months – our new cast list is Vince Vaughan, Colin Farrell, Rachel McAdams and Taylor Kitsch.

When was the last time I saw Vince Vaughan? In a rollicking comedy Unfinished Business, the movie poster of which featured a large beer wearing a suit. Colin Farrell? Last seen parading around as a miraculous burglar with an Antonie Dixon haircut in A Winters Tale. That movie also starred Russell Crowe as a demon peddling magical gems, just by the way. Both films mentioned are readily available in the one star pile on Rotten Tomatoes.

2) A Few Chicks, But Don’t Expect a Big Deal Made About It

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Season one suffered from quite a large sexism problem, whether it was intentional or not. And I still watched it and liked it, but I still reckon you can explore the 21st century male psyche without relegating women to being either dead things or sex things. Just try harder. Season two has “fixed” this problem by making Rachel McAdams a #true detective herself. This progressive move was then celebrated by making her invisible in all public promotion for the show. She’s a DETECTIVE. They show is called TRUE DETECTIVE. Where the hell is she?! I stay hopeful for women-kind in the True Detective world, and pray secretly that Detective Regina George schools their asses.

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3) A Gritty Haunting Feem Toon and Flash Opening Credits

Who knows what ditty will guide us into season two? One of my favourite, most compelling images from the opening of season one was that freeway projected over Woody Harrelson’s face. Maybe a bridge between Colin’s eyebrows? A boat docking on Vince Vaughan’s chin? Oh my god, I can’t wait.

4) Flash Backs Delineated by Hair Length and Beer Labels

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In season one we saw versions of Rust and Marty 17 years apart, slipping between the two as quickly as some scraggly McConaughey hair slips into a ponytail. If they follow this same formula – shedding light on decade-spanning cases – pay attention to the subtle details to find your footing in the time/space continuum.

5) Heavy Philosophies and the Worst Motivational Quotes Ever

It was the Rusty Cohle special last season, so I won’t be surprised if we get smacked in the face with 100 more home truths that make you feel like cracking open a beer and staring into a well for hours. Here are some real feel-good clangers from season one:

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True Detective season two begins on SoHo tonight at 5.30pm, and screens again at 8.30pm