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The Paul Henry Fallout: Lush Futures?

Having already mercilessly extinguished one interesting and important broadcast outlet, Paul “Death Star” Henry has moved on to his next whimsical planetary demolition with the announcement of his new cross-platform extravaganza.

stomp lush

I guess it makes sense to move Paul Henry back to breakfast slot, given his core viewership probably tends toward an early bedtime. There are a couple things that seem sad about it though.

First, we’ll be losing television’s stupidest title sequence – that now reverts to the team at Jono and Ben at Ten (props to the Mediaworks team for being consistent in their inoffensive, greyscale, bad-boy schtick). The bigger bummer is the displacement of Marcus Lush, who will be splashed from the RadioLive tub as Henry bombs in.

Lush’s work in the breakfast slot was chiefly dragging middle New Zealand into the irreverent Now, while still retaining a kind of abstract ‘New Zealand-ness’. Broadcasting live from his (assumedly heavily formica’d) home in Bluff, and introducing Condensed Milk Thursdays to the crushed velvet tones of Roger Whittaker, Marcus Lush’s very being somehow tip-toed the line between perfectly pitched irony and an unrelenting earnestness. I’m sad that I won’t be able to wake up to his easy-going weirdness any more.

The good news is that it opens up a potential return to television for Mr. Lush. As such, I’ve taken the liberty of writing up a few potential pitches for Lushy to pursue once he leaps back onto the box:

Train-ing Day
Lush’s lust for the rail industry is well documented and I’m sure we’d all benefit from a reality show about Lush learning the ropes in his new career as a conductor. Think The Apprentice meets Thomas the Tank Engine. Good opportunity for Steve Braunias to write a blog for Metro online too.

Skirting: Unplugged
Lush’s Skirting Auckland twitter odyssey – where he just walked around the perimeter of Auckland for some reason – was great, but it’s time to monetise this bitch. Strap a go-pro and some sort of Spark Naked Broadband wifi router on him and let’s give the people 24 hour up-skirt access.

Middle
We’ve had South, we’ve had North. Now it’s time for Marcus to give us a six part show set entirely in Nelson. Will probably be good for Guy Williams’ career to do something a bit serious too!

Marcus Lush presents an unabridged history of Rodd and Gunn
Speaks for itself. Lots of sweaters.

Tracker Happy TV
Videos of Marcus making his little baby (Tracker) laugh. Just happy with the title tbqh.

Mutton Bird! Mutton Bird! Mutton Bird!
Marcus Lush leads a dramatic mutton bird hunting expedition with former Mutton Birds frontman Don McGlashan and muttony bird Christine Rankin.

Name that Superlative
Some kind of dumb game show where Marcus Lush faces off with John Campbell in a contest where they say “gorgeous” and “fantastic” and stuff like that.

Worst case scenario, I’m sure Lush could get a column in the Herald where he talks about the Foveaux Straight and oysters.