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MKR Episode Three: Put Something Weird On It

All heil New Zealand's team

All heil New Zealand’s team

This episode invited audiences to, at long last, get better acquainted with the lovable heroes of the show: “Bogan Besties” June and Steph. Adorned with boob tube tops (featuring generic woman’s face) and bracelets made out of melted forks that can only be bought from a very specific type of crystal store, the pair seemed set for great things. Their background intro video included the two of them cooking together for their families, cruising to a Burger King carpark in June’s Dodge, and quickly visiting what looked a lot like a TAB.

Their Tauranga instant restaurant was “Medieval Times” themed, fueled by a mutual love for “Game of Thrones and that”. The theme extended to the “Winchester Dungeon” menu, dividing courses into The Earle (soup for starter), The King (lamb for main) and The Queen (apple pie dessert). A great deal of care was put into the astounding decor, which included skull goblets, wax-sealed menus and the piece de resistance: two enormous (real) pigs heads. Nothing like looking at the cross-section of a pigs brain to set the mood. There were also about 40 sets of antlers on the wall, but it seemed like they were already there long before the show.

Babe visits the Mount for New Years, never returns

Babe visits the Mount for New Years, never returns

The meal itself didn’t go down too well. The tomato and roasted pepper soup was under-seasoned. The main of lamb was not cooked for anywhere near long enough, and the meat was “tight as a tiger” on the bone (Neena/Goldmember). It was beginning to look like a bit of a shanking, but the teams were still holding out hope for the apple pie dessert. In the kitchen, June had forgotten which pastry was which, meaning the pie was puffing up at the base and hard on the top. Resisting Steph’s suggestion to just “put something weird on it”, they sent the upside-down dessert down to the guests in the dungeon. The pie was a bit of a hit, but not enough to capture the leaderboard castle. June and Steph came away with 47 points, perhaps not jousting the competition but certainly jousting our hearts.

Buzzword of the ep: “mean as” (5+ times, often in unison so potentially 10+)
Prop of the ep: tie between pig head and vodka bottle rolling pin
Bogan burps: 0 (too busy cooking)
Screengrab of the ep: June spots a spider crawling around in the pig head
Screen Shot 2014-09-01 at 3.06.32 PM

Watch My Kitchen Rules on TVNZ Ondemand here