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The Tribe Has Spoken: Survivor San Juan Del Sur Episode 4

SURVIVOR SAN JUAN DEL SUR BLOOD VS WATER 2 POWER RANKINGS

14) TERRIBLE GAMEPLAY

I thought the orange tribe was bad. This was way worse. This blue team has maybe the worst strategic since the first season of Survivor. Almost everyone was bad. Old mate Keith, who was on the rise, really screwed the pooch. Jeremy, who previously seemed like a sure thing, was a disaster. Probably the only decent strategic idea came from John, when he motioned that people with loved ones remaining need to stick together. But then he shat the bed and randomly voted for Keith?! Don’t get me started on Drew, who is clearly a top ten worst player of all time.

Kudos to Natalie, Kelley and Missy for taking advantage of the disastrous conditions.

13) NEON JESUS

neon jesus

A lot of somewhat flamboyant jewellery from the men of survivor this season.

12) JOHN’S SLEEVES

sleeves

Ah, to sleep in comfort knowing my detachable sleeves are at my side. It is 100% like the episode of The Office where Michael Scott does the exact same thing except that John is a REAL HUMAN PERSON and there will be no Dwight to save him when he eats a mushroom and dies. R.I.P. FUTURE JOHN.

11) SAUSAGE PRIZE

sausage

I thought this was funny.

10) JEREMY’S PERFORMANCE TOGS

real togs lol

Chill the hell out Thorpedo.

9) USED FLINT SALESMAN

used flint

Drew is the worst.

8) A POWERFUL SENSE OF DISAPPOINTMENT

jeremy

Yeah smile it up bro. Jeremy was my pick to win this thing but the latest ep really shakes up my confidence in him. He’s playing so emotional. He’s playing like Borneo Gervais, but he needs to be playing like Blood vs Water Gervais. Sort it out Jeremy.

7) DREW-LANDER

I done some research into Drew’s modelling career. It was rewarding. Here he is modelling an infinity scarf for men:

drew scarf

Here he is modelling some chainmail:

drew armour

Here he is doing a weird/fierce thing aka “Drew Steel”:

drew steel

6) TRIBE SWAP

Yay. I’m glad this is coming. Maybe when they’re reunited with their loved ones and have the mental capacity of two people, these numbskulls will sort their shit out.

5) ALEC’S BAGGY SHIRT

baggy alec

WTF?

4) “AHOY”

AHOY

Lol cool.

3) “GOOD PLAY, GIRLS”

stifler impressed

Stiffler is impressed. And rightly so. The women of the blue tribe managed to pull a fast one on these bumbling idiots despite being down in the numbers. Very nice.

2) THE MASSIVE BUG

bug

“As [JEFF PROBST] awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect.”

1) RANDY OLD DREW

I feel like Drew is one of the horniest survivors we’ve ever seen. Like, when Jaclyn was sent to Exile Island and he was like, “Hey I’m down to mosey on down with her ; )” and was basically just a huge erection at that point. Man he was a sick dude.

Exhibit A)

perv1

This is one of the funniest Survivor shots ever.

Exhibit B)

perv2

Aside from that, he was just unbelievably bad at the game. Most players are at least fairly decent at one facet of the game. Drew was just a disaster. Terrible strategy. Terrible social game. Tbh, also not even that handsome, right? Drew sucks.

R.I.P. Drew.

EPISODE SUMMED UP BY A TXT FROM MY BROTHER:

tommy tek3

Agree with Tommy here. Definitely the best episode so far, in terms of entertainment. Once again, the strategy was sorely lacking but, at the very least, it was funny to watch this pack of dodos wobble around. This is a real weird season.

Prediction for the nek boot: Alec will follow his brother home via him being a dickhead and Baylor pulling a sneaky thing with old mate Josh.

Watch Survivor on FOUR Now here

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