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Facebook: Dislike? Sure. And We’d Like These New Buttons, Too

The Mighty Zuck, His Zuckness of Zuckerberg, announced this week that plucky startup Facebook was giving some serious thought to introducing a “dislike” button, for users who didn’t exactly “like” the post they were reading, but felt utterly obliged to click something.

like

Good idea. And why stop there? Here are a bunch of other buttons that Facebook should consider adding to the social media behemoth.

A Fuck That’s Fucked Up button

Because some things are fucked up and you don’t want to Like or Dislike those things, you simply want to acknowledge that they’re fucked up.

fubook

A Sleazy Wink button

In a sort of “that’s right baby I hear what you’re saying because I understand you deep down soul mate” sort of way.

A TMI button

Click this when someone shares too much information about their drunken feelings, their lunch, or accidentally cross-posts a dick pic.

An IDUYA button

To indicate, probably because of getting a bit LITT (long in the tooth), I Don’t Understand Your Acronyms.

A Tin Foil Hat button

We got that you were opposed to the TPP the 212th time you posted that conspiratorial codswallop, thanks very much.

A Gosh I’m Busy button

So busy there’s no way I could have noticed that invitation to the opening of your sculpture exhibition in a basement on the outskirts of town.

A Get This Promoted BS Out of My Timeline button

What on earth makes you think I would be interested in this? Wait, there’s a game? Cool!

A Scoubtful button

A button to denote nagging doubt about whether the site linked to covers earnest activities like orienteering or sordid celebrity exposés like a man from the television vacuuming his car.

scoubt

An Xkeyscore button

When you think the user’s post might interest or titillate monitors at the NSA, GCSB &c.

A What Do You Think This Is, Instagram? button

For photographs of food or heavily filtered sunsets.

An I Have No Idea How I Ended Up Friends With You Did We Go to School Together Or Something button

A No I Don’t Want to Sponsor Your Incredible Month Long Contribution to Curing Cancer in Which You Valiantly Agree to Forego Custard Squares Except on Tuesdays button

A This Post Would Be Slightly Less Annoying Had You At Least Checked It for Spelling/Grammar button

A Well Done You Spotted a Spelling/Grammar Mistake Here Have A Biscuit button

spelg

A How About You Try to Limit Posting Pictures of Your Little Darlings to Oh I Don’t Know Twice A Day For God’s Sake button

A Thanks But I Won’t Repost This Inspirational Message Because I Had My Fill of Pointless Chain Letters When I Was 12 button

An I Read This Shit Like Three Hours Ago On Twitter button

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