Why letting go feels a lot like being torn apart

Lifestyle blogger Hana Tapiata says no matter how much it hurts, if you want to bring your vision to life, you’re going have to let go of something.

Ranginui was forced to let go, and by ‘forced’ I mean he and his wife Papatūānuku were severed from each other. They were pulled apart from each other, so their tamariki might experience their potential and explore a world full of space and unknown possibilities. The opportunity and decision was out of Rangi’s hands really, and the separation of the heavens and earth ended the phases of Te Pō and brought forth Te Ao Mārama, the world of light. Rangi and Papa’s embrace and closeness to each other was the sacrifice that has allowed us to be here today. Like I mentioned earlier, they didn’t have much of a choice – but if we can look at this pūrākau as a reservoir of metaphors and knowledge, we can draw some pretty insightful whakaaro (concepts) about the growth process.

If and when you have a vision for the ideal life, job, partner, *insert desire here* that you want – it often feels a little out of reach, right? Otherwise you’d have it already and wouldn’t have to fantasise about it. It usually comes down to not yet possessing the adequate knowledge, skills or capacity to obtain what you want. If you’re proactive and determined, you take it upon yourself to become the person who has the knowledge, skills and capacity to make that vision a reality.

You must let go of old habits, thoughts, behaviours, relationships, beliefs and such to make room so you can obtain new ones that will get you where you want to go. And if you’ve been developing your current behaviours, habits and characteristics for a while, it’ll feel a lot like you’re being torn apart from your old identity. It hurts to let go, and you might not even know how – but sometimes it hurts more to hold on.

“You’ve changed,” say people who expect you to stay the same while you pursue your vision and dreams.

I just want to make it clear that I believe there’s a difference between changing because ‘you’ve lost yourself in the hype’ and changing because you’ve developed and narrowed your focus to only the things that truly matter to you and your purpose. Huge difference in my opinion, because how could you remain the same; doing what you’ve always done, thinking how you always have, and obtain what’s out of your reach?

With any kind of change comes resistance, both internally and externally. For instance, people need to know what box to put you in, or roles to assign to you because predictability is comfortable, it’s reassuring and easy to prepare for. You’ll resist change yourself, because we’re creatures of habit and routine is comfortable. Comfortable is nice – but nothing ever grows there. You might find the answers to manifest your dreams into reality where it’s comfortable, you might already know how! But there’s a difference to knowing and doing.

If your faith in your kaupapa and in yourself is true, you’ll learn if you don’t already know, what needs to be held onto and what must be let go – and I guarantee it’ll suck and hurt a lot. Expect resistance, from all directions, but you already know how the story goes; trust that no matter how much it hurts, if you want to bring your vision to life, you’re gonna have to let go of something.


GIVEAWAY: We have ten copies of Self Awareness Doesn’t Begin With Self by Hana Tapiata to give away. The book examines whakapapa to gain a deeper understanding and connection to where, who and what we come from. Simply head to Ātea’s Facebook page and comment to go in the draw. 

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