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Shortland Street Power Rankings: Even Ferndale can’t stay away from The Bachelor

Tara Ward brings you her Shortland Street Power Rankings for last week, including Harry becoming a man of the world and Jordan Mauger’s sartorial influence. 

1) Never fear: Gin will fix it

Ding dong, it’s Gin o’clock. Drink it in, people, drink all the Gin. Who cares why she’s back – when you win Lotto you don’t care what order the numbers dropped, right? Gin’s remarkable and glorious return is right up there with the revival of jelly sandals and the Full House reunion (episode one only). Frankly, Ferndale has never looked better.

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2) Kylie is up the creek without any form of paddling implement

It’s not looking good for Kyles, who was arrested for aiding and abetting a suicide. But Norelle wanted to die with dignity! She would have done it anyway! Prison orange doesn’t suit Kylie’s skin tone! This is a disaster from start to finish.

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3) Dayna organises the saddest surprise wedding reception ever

Norelle’s funeral had more life than this miserable bunch of casually-dressed killjoys, and no amount of free booze will turn this into the best day of George and Dayna’s life. The lighting is as dim as the chance of their marriage lasting the month. Anyway, cheers to you crazy lovebirds. Your creepy relationship is an inspiration to us all.

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4) Sometimes parenting makes you lose your shit #warnerproblems

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5) George’s world is unravelling quicker than a roll of toilet paper down Baldwin Street

Prepare yourself for a shock: George is not a qualified doctor. This was a plot revelation that surprised me as much as that time Leanne interfered in someone else’s business. George’s failed spiral perm is the least of his worries, because geezer cousin Leo just arrived with the worst cockney accent since Dick Van Dyke cleaned Mary Poppins’ chim-chim-chiminey.

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6) Harry takes it to The Man

Harry was flat out this week drinking, protecting drunken girlfriends, standing up to sexual predators and exposing a corrupt educational system. Such behaviour made Daddy mad – Chris doesn’t spend a gazillion dollars a year on private school for his son to develop into a courageous, free-thinking individual.

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Wait until Harry turns 18 and votes for the Greens, and then we’ll really see the veins in Chris’ neck pop.

7) The lovers that stripe together stay together

Ali and Lucy are like a pair of sausages during a power cut – they look tasty enough, but without a burning flame of passion they’ll never sizzle like sausages should.  Speaking of a lack of sizzle, has the Bach paid a recent visit to Ferndale? How else do we explain their romantically coordinated wardrobe, other than as a timely homage to New Zealand’s eminent stripe specialist and inspirational love guru Jordan Mauger?

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Shortland Street airs 7pm weekdays of TV2, click here to catch up on TVNZ Ondemand

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