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Shortland Street Power Rankings – Curtis channels his inner Victoria

Tara Ward brings you her Shortland Street Power Rankings for last week, including Stevie’s evolution into Houdini, Nicole’s exhausting workload and Esther’s incredible phone-based breakthrough.  

1) Stevie is the amazing disappearing baby

Boyd lost it when he remembered he’d left Baby Stevie alone in the hospital car park. By the time he’d retraced his steps, Stevie had cleverly disappeared into a vortex of time and space. “The Titanic is actually sinking!” Boyd screamed at Lucy. Typical doctor – banging on about irrelevant things like diet and exercise when all you want to know is why you can’t climb the stairs without puffing.

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2) Esther makes contact with the other side

Esther was bereft when some big bad skinheads stole her phone. Without it, how will she communicate with the outside world? Curtis broke Esther’s universe into tiny little pieces when he told her about a random invention called a ‘landline’. Plus there’s this amazing thing called ‘the phone book’, a revolutionary publication that has everyone’s names and numbers, in alphabetical order no less. Nobody mention 018 Directory, it’s likely to BLOW HER MIND.

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3) Jimmy goes, he goes, he just goes.

For four torturous episodes, Jimmy worried and whimpered about whether it was safe to leave Ferndale while that absentminded drongo Boyd lurked about. There was maximum frowning and hand flailing. One minute Jimmy decided he’d move to Raglan, and the next he wouldn’t. Then he would, then he wouldn’t. I don’t have time for this shit, Jimmy, I’ve got a phone book to read.

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4) Victoria and Mo Marvin Gaye and get it on

Victoria and Mo sampled some afternoon delight, much to the dismay of Jack and 89% of the viewing public. Their relationship went from strength to strength, even after Victoria considered leaving Curtis to die in a burning building. Bless you, Mo, for you are obviously attracted to blonde nutbars and will need all the help you can get.

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5) Kylie is not so lucky, lucky, lucky

Kylie had a shithouse week. She suffered from: a surgeon who cocked up her boob operation, anxiety about when her next surgery will be, an endless stream of annoying visitors and – worst of all – scratchy bed sheets. Welcome to the public health system, Kyles.

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6) Curtis channels his inner blonde

Curtis gave us his best impression of a loved-up Victoria and it was pretty much bang on the money.

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7) Drew discovers he is not a Supreme Being

News just in: McCaskill is not perfect. With his career wilting like week old bunch of spring onions, Drew incurred the wrath of McKenna, got wasted on a wild mix of pills and whisky, and told Harper he slept with Victoria. The man needs to lighten up and go to a Zumba class or something. At least YOU still have your boobs, Drew.

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8) Nicole is too busy to be in the power rankings

Make way for Busy Nicole, the only nurse in Shortland Street. After working non-stop for 78 days it’s no wonder she mis-triaged a flesh-eating disease – but I’m glad she did. Otherwise we’d have missed out on Harper and George saying ‘Necrotizing Fasciitis’ four times in a row, back and forward like some form of bizarre medical terminology ping-pong game.

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Will Rachel solve the nursing crisis before Necrotizing Fasciitis takes over the entire hospital? Will Esther learn to survive without a portable communication device? Will Kylie forgive Drew for being the biggest boob in Ferndale? But most importantly, will baby Stevie learn to pull a rabbit out of a hat?


Shortland Street airs 7pm weekdays of TV2, click here to catch up on TVNZ Ondemand

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