Our resident Outlander fanatic Tara Ward shares her thoughts from the much-anticipated premiere of time-travel romance series. Contains spoilers. And smoulders.
All good things come to those who wait: a Briscoes sale, a Monday-ised stat holiday, and the season two premiere of Outlander. It’s been ten long months since Claire and Jamie Fraser sailed for France, hell-bent on infiltrating the French royal court to prevent the Jacobite uprising and change the future, blah, blah, blah.
Let’s not split ginger hairs, because the details aren’t important. All that matters is that season two of Outlander is finally, finally here. Gird your loins, people: here are my thoughts as we step rapturously into the unknown world of episode one.
1) So many feelings
Droughtlander is over! Claire is back! I’m ecstatic! I’m fist punching the air! This is glorious! But what fresh hell is this, Craigh na Dun? Claire is raging against the stones. She’s screaming from that place deep in your guts that you find when terrible things happen like death and time travel and looking for the last chocolate biscuit, but you’ve already eaten it and not even noticed.
This is terrible. Jamie is dead. Not just dead, but ‘dust’. Dust is bad! You should see behind my couch, there’s shitloads of the stuff. Is dead Jamie Fraser behind my couch? My chest feels tight at the thought, and not entirely in a bad way.
Claire! It’s a car! It’s 1948! Frank, we’re coming! Fraaaaank! Things are looking up but hold it together Claire because…
2) [SPOILER ALERT] The British won the Battle of Culloden
Not the news Claire was hoping for, then.
3) Reverend Wakefield isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed
Woman disappears from mythical place, returns two years later wearing authentic 18th century clothing and reads everything ever written about the Jacobite Rebellion. “Why this sudden obsession with Scottish history?” the Rev puzzles. “Why is the sky grey? What is this strange collar around my neck?”
It’s time travel, Rev, surely it’s not that unusual.
4) Mrs Graham had learned some new words
Not only is Claire impressing Mrs Graham with her jaunty tales of time travel, she’s blowing her mind with colourful colloquialisms. Remember when Claire called Jamie a “fucking sadist”? “He had no idea what I was talking about. We had a good laugh about it afterwards.” They were golden days, Claz, golden days.
5) 200 years have passed and I’m still not sure Claire fully appreciates Jamie’s strengths
“Ye nearly always mention his fine sense of humour, and his smile, and his hair,” says Mrs Graham, building quite the saucy picture of Jamie in her mind. Hold the phone, Jamie’s hair is third in the list of the Ginger Ninja’s best assets? Claire’s obviously still in shock.
6) “All that matters is you’re back” – now we know why she loved Frank
Bless you, Frank, for trying to understand what (who) Claire’s been doing these past two years. “I admit, it is hard to reconcile what you are saying with logic,” he says, in the understatement of the century. Wait until she tells you about the time she dressed as a man and sang her way through the Highlands in a ploy to find her other husband. Now THAT’S a story that defies logic.
7) If anyone else mentions ‘Jamie Fraser’, ‘soft ginger curls’ or ‘I prefer my Scotch on the rocks’ then this shed full of random crap gets it
8) Wee Roger is still wearing the same clothes he had on in 1945 (or as fans like to call it, season one)
That’s the least of Wee Roger’s worries, because Frank just dropped the f-bomb in front of this innocent little cherub. Those filthy-mouthed Randalls have been nothing but trouble since 1945, or 1743, or whatever.
9) It’s the return of the Mac and all is well with the world again
Welcome back to 1745, ladies and gentlemen, and bienvenue to Claire’s second husband of the evening. But what’s with the hot mess of a hairdo, Fraser? Drifting aimlessly at sea for the past 10 months is no excuse for this Mom-Bob gone wrong, especially when that hair is your third best attribute.
10) Murtagh refuses to wear a French cloth of lies but Claire is all ‘when in Rome’ etc
Who knew Murtagh was such a lyrical genius? To him, plotting against the Jacobite rebellion is like ‘wearing a plaid woven from guile and deception’. That is some deep shit right there. But look at Claire, whose cloak is woven with the hundreds of lies she’s spun, and she’s totally fine.
11) Shout-out to the pretend people of France
What better way to die than in a warehouse filled with wine? Chuck together a quick cheese platter and OMG, literally dying.
12) Scottish superheroes unite to rid the world of pus
“Who the hell are you? Have you any idea of what you have done?” demands Vampire Comte St Germain, mega-pissed he has to burn his pox-ridden ship thanks to Claire’s big mouth and impeccable French. “Shit-stirring is how I roll,” Claire replies, “get used to it, sweet cheeks.”
Oh, Outlander, you did us proud. That was a cracking return, filled with more emotions than Frank could take a big stick to. It had joy, it had sorrow, it had more ginger kisses than the bakery aisle at Countdown. Outlander, I bloody love you.
Pour yourself a dram and dive into the new season Outlander on Lightbox below (new episodes arriving every Sunday at 7pm)
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