Jane Yee watches the glittering official promo for The Real Housewives of Auckland, and isn’t even a little bit disappointed.
If there’s one thing New Zealand TV does well, it’s turning the purses of overseas reality franchises into sow’s ears. We take the glamour and glory prescribed by the international reality overlords, throw some number 8 wire and an Edmonds cookbook at it, and we’re left with a drama-free dilution of something that had the potential to be great.
With The Block NZ starting to drain every last vestige of my once passionate enthusiasm, I’ve found myself wondering if my days splayed on the couch mainlining local reality telly might be numbered.
Then I saw the official promo for The Real Housewives of Auckland.
As a big band version of ‘Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend’ kicks in, a fancy car pulls into view. It’s blue. That’s how I describe cars, by their colour. Someone with a lot of money would no doubt immediately recognise the manufacturer’s badge, but it took me a good few minutes (and a well-known search engine) to figure out it’s a Maserati.
The Real Housewives of Auckland are then introduced to us with glittering text graphics giving us context as to their qualifications for casting and where they sit on the luxury ladder.
There’s champagne, leather, marble, velvet rope, designer dresses, a diamond-encrusted cat collar and a bevy of beautiful and brawny men tending to the housewives’ every need.
As the promo wraps up we’re introduced to each housewife by name as they their flash million-dollar smiles.
Michelle gives a sultry glance
Gilda eyes the camera knowingly
Anne doesn’t appear to know what the hell is going on (but champagne!)
Angela sashays by the pool
Julia sashays in a barrel of grapes
Louise Wallace glares into the deep dark depths of your soul, reminding you that everything you have worked for in your life amounts to nothing because you are a worthless piece of scum on the sole of her stiletto.
I’m pinching myself. Surely this can’t be the branding for our version of the show? It’s like they’ve spent actual money and scored actual dramatic reality talent. I’ve watched it at least 15 times, and I’m never any less impressed by it.
I’m desperately hoping they haven’t just blown the entire series budget shooting this 60 second visual treat of international quality. Just like Anne and her champagne, I’m hungry for more.
This content, like all television coverage we do at The Spinoff, is brought to you thanks to the excellent folk at Lightbox. Do us and yourself a favour by clicking here to start a FREE 30 day trial of this truly wonderful service.
The Spinoff Daily gets you all the day's best reading in one handy package, fresh to your inbox Monday-Friday at 5pm.