Alex Casey watches the rollicking teaser video for The Block NZ: Villa Wars, and gives sound analysis on what some aspects we can expect from the competitive DIY show.
You better swatch out,
You better not ply(wood),
You better not grout,
I’m telling you why:
The Block NZ is coming to town.
Yesterday I introduced you all to the new teams tackling The Block NZ for 2015, and today my attention was directed to a crazy promotional video where the teams take on the neighbourhood like a herd of chainsaw-wielding elephants. Here are ten crucial points to look out for in the short teaser:
1) Don’t be fooled by the rocks that I got
Is that you MICHAEL HILL JEWELLER? Back for another bite of the cherry MICHAEL HILL JEWELLER? Sorry, I don’t know why I’m yelling.
2) The Bachelor sports a new career
Is that you in the fake sport pages ARTEMIS GREEN? Shit MediaWorks have got their empire on lock.
3) Glove thy neighbour
I don’t know anything about anything, but since when do you wear a murderous black glove to hose the backyard? Congrats The Block NZ on choosing your plot next to the killer from Disturbia. That film is due a reboot anyway.
4) Old woman hedges her bets
This nosey lady with a ladder is going to be a real pain in the butt come renovation time. She is the 2015 equivalent of the 2014 me raking through The Block NZ‘s dumpster in Pt Chev.
5) Sandringham goes gang-neutral
Good to see that The Block NZ is committing to neither crips nor bloods, instead blending the two to make a bandanna in a fetching shade of conflict-free purple. This is utopia.
6) Pre-pie delivery
Don’t bring a pie round here mate, we only eat Pita Pit around here mate.
7) Post-pie delivery
8) Skirting around danger
Good luck wearing a long lace dress on a construction site with ol’ Wolfkamp lurking around. That’s an OSH fail for sure.
I take my earlier point about gangs back, Cat is clearly a covert member of the Killer Bees and/or the Hurricanes
Again with the dangerous dangly clothing! I wouldn’t be leaning into an industrial sander with any of that nonsense hanging around. That’s exactly why we haven’t seen Shannon Ryan since last year…
Watch the full promo below:
The Block NZ: Villa Wars is coming soon to TV3
This content, like everything we do at The Spinoff, is brought you thanks to the truly wonderful people at Lightbox. Do us and yourself a favour by clicking here to start a FREE 30 day trial of this fantastic service.
The Bulletin is The Spinoff’s acclaimed daily digest of New Zealand’s most important stories, delivered directly to your inbox each morning.