Inside the Lightbox is a sponsored post where we mine the extensive Lightbox catalogue for shows you might like to watch. This Friday 13, we pick some of the unluckiest characters on television.
1) Pierce Hawthorne (Community)
“When I was born, I got my umbilical cord wrapped around my neck, both arms, and one of my ankles. Mom said there came a point when the doctor stopped delivering me and just started laughing.” – Pierce Hawthorne
He may be a millionaire off the back of a moist towelette company, but Pierce Hawthorne has had his fair share of bad luck on Community. Not only has he been resurrected four times, but his best friends tricked him into thinking he was a wizard and he once accidentally summoned a real ghost by pretending to be a fake ghost.
2) Jesse Pinkman (Breaking Bad)
“If you dont stay away from Walt … you are going to be one sorry individual” – Skylar White
For Jesse, every day is Friday 13. If you haven’t already seen his miserable life fall apart at the hands of Walter White in Breaking Bad – look away now. If you want a sad walk down unlucky lane, please enjoy the video below:
3) Toby Flenderson (The Office)
“Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not that way. I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.” – Michael Scott [to Toby Flenderson]
Poor Toby in Human Resources became Michael Scott’s own personal punching bag in The Office, probably due to his sad-looking face and the fact that he has to stifle Michael’s often racist, sexist, inappropriate idea of workplace fun. Plus he’s divorced. Plus he sits under an asbestos vent. Plus he touched Pam’s leg for too long once and then moved to Costa Rica.
4) Everyone in Salem (Days of Our Lives)
“Well, you know the Salem Police Department – they never get anything right.” – EJ Wells
Salem has to be the unluckiest fictional town in the television universe. For a place that seems to only be populated by three families, the amount of boat tragedies, serial killers and alien abductions that occur per capita is absolutely off the charts. People have choked on donuts, been possessed by the devil and had their lives stolen by evil twins. If you are one of the lucky ones, you might be resurrected – only to be killed again.
5) George Costanza (Seinfeld)
“My life is the complete opposite of everything I wanted it to be” – George Costanza
An awe-inspiring run of bad luck served George Constanza for all nine seasons of Seinfeld. Whether it’s getting his father’s car destroyed after parking in a disabled carpark, being snapped in the nude or ruining his hand modelling career thanks to one iron – count your lucky stars that you aren’t George Costanza today.
6) Billy and Billie (Billy and Billie)
“You like to make trouble” – Billy [to Billie]
So, you’ve finally found that one person that sets your damn heart on fire. You spend the night together, you laugh, you’re happy. Well happy Friday 13 because the two of you are step siblings, try and figure out how to explain that relationship to Facebook (not to mention everyone else).
7) Jerry Gergich (Parks and Recreation)
“My marbles are full of mouth today” – Jerry
Oh Jerry. Everytime I watch Parks and Rec I am brimming with sadness for this kind-natured man, who also happens to be the butt of Pawnee’s joke. Remember when he bent over, ripped his pants and then farted? Tough luck Jerry.
8) Kenny (South Park)
“Oh my God, they killed Kenny!” – Everyone
Pretty self-explanatory, Kenny is the only South Park character unlucky enough to have been killed over 103 times.
9) Liz Lemon (30 Rock)
“I was going to take this class called Cooking for One, but the teacher killed himself.” – Liz Lemon
Perpetually unlucky-in-love Liz Lemon had a hell of a dating run on 30 Rock. She went home with James Franco only to find out that they would be joined by a Japanese body pillow called Kimiko. She nabbed John Hamm, but then found out that he was caught in an attractive bubble and didn’t have a foot in the real world. She was charmed by Steve Martin, but then realised he was on house arrest. Sometimes a slanket and night cheese is just the easier option.
10) Will Graham (Hannibal)
“I feel like I’ve been gradually becoming different for a while. I just feel like somebody else.” – Will Graham
It’s hard having a unique psychological gift that puts you in the mind of a serial killer. You might get framed for a series of murders you didn’t commit. You might enter therapy with a cannibalistic serial killer. You might be unlucky old Will Graham.
11) Mark Corrigan (Peep Show)
“’Lovelife’ might be a rather grandiose term for staring at women on the bus” – Mark Corrigan
If you’ve stubbed your toe on a black cat whilst walking under a ladder today, Mark Corrigan will instantly make you feel better about the world. Toiling away in middle England, he is faced with a constant barrage of bad luck. The local children think he’s a paedophile. He gets locked in his own bedroom with a stomach bug. His life is a peep show from hell.
12) The Doctor (Doctor Who)
“This is my life, Jackie. It’s not fun, it’s not smart, it’s just standing up and making a decision because nobody else will.” – The Doctor
Sure, it might be cool to regenerate and/or wear a cool bow tie for a while, but The Doctor seems to eventually lose almost everyone he comes into contact with. That’s what happens when you travel across time and space to every small gap in the universe.
13) Jimmy McGill (Better Call Saul)
“Help me out here. Did I dream it, or did I have $1,600,000 on my desk in cash? When I close my eyes, I can still see it.” – Saul Goodman
of the Spinoff’s first book!Find Out More
It’s hard to become a hotshot lawyer when you live at the back of a nail salon. It’s even harder when your brother is always wrapped in tinfoil, and your murky scams have got you caught up with serious gangsters. And don’t even get me started on what happens several years later, when you get involved with a dying chemistry teacher…
Click below to watch all your favourite unlucky characters on Lightbox today
This content, like all television coverage we do at The Spinoff, is brought you thanks to the excellent folk people at Lightbox. Do us and yourself a favour by clicking here to start a FREE 30 day trial of this truly wonderful service.
The Bulletin is The Spinoff’s acclaimed daily digest of New Zealand’s most important stories, delivered directly to your inbox each morning.