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Jane Yee on The Block: It’s week three and bathroom renovation is still the pits

Our resident Blockaholic Jane Yee recaps the highs and lows from week three of The Block NZ, including Benjam ‘Dylz’ Button and shocking banana experience.

It’s bathroom week on The Block NZ, and it’s been bloody hard going. A million tradies, two million different types of tiles and three million visits from (and hugs for) the council inspector. In complete contrast to last week’s thrills and spills of a volatile Dyls, this week has been like wading through a muddy BMX track wearing a mascot costume. But onwards we must traverse.

1) Room Reveal

Last week Niki and Tiff tossed the ‘Kids Room’ brief into the skip bin of disdain, and the result was not a room fit for a 10 year-old boy, but a room fit for me. It was very nice. I liked it, the judges liked it, but they missed out on the megapoints because they didn’t stick to the script. Those went to Sam and Emmett for their girl’s room.

Honestly, I don’t know how the judges could justify handing them the win when they had, as Mark pointed out, painted the walls blue. Blue! For a girl! Get out of Crazytown you nutter, girls are not allowed to like blue, ok?

Mark being sexist

2) How to do The Block

Being corporate high rollers has equipped Sam and Emmett with the top notch time-management skills to spend notoriously-hectic bathroom week like this:

 

Midweek drinks with tradies

 

Emmett coffee

Pita pit in park

A relaxed cuppa, getting on it midweek with the tradies, a spot of quiet reflection coupled with some delicious Pita Pit at the local reserve… what the hell is happening here? These jokers have turned one of the toughest weeks on The Block into a bloody holiday!

3) Challenges

Another week, another slew of bizarre challenges. It started off with contestants having to match an amusing childhood story to their fellow competitors. Once again, a predictable Block challenge, but this haunting image left me with more questions than answers:

Baby Dylz

Why does the photo of Baby Little Dylz have grown-up Little Dylz’ head? Were his childhood photos destroyed in a devastating house fire? Did the production manager accidentally forget to drag and drop his pic onto the USB stick?

The design challenge involved making incredibly hideous lamps using materials sourced from the Look Sharp store next door. Sam and Emmett won with the crepe-paper lamp they originally designed in third form art class.

The convoluted nonsensical challenge o’ the week involved contestants diving into a pool to retrieve items of value from a submerged living room set. The most interesting thing to come out of this challenge was finding out Little Dyls was once a competitive swimmer, and also Niki sniffing her armpits on national telly

Niki armpit

4) Let’s Talk About Sex

I’m feeling pretty red-faced right now, you guys. All this time I thought sex was a special cuddle but it is, in fact, a matte black double electrical socket.

Matt black socket

 

These undisputed facts of life are brought to you by Men of the Timber, Dyls and Dylz.

5) Secret Squirrels

According to Emma and Courtney, their builder Harris is a dick. We overheard what they thought was a private conversation when Courtney turned off the dash cam in their Honda Jazz. If you ever find yourself on a reality TV show, be sure to remember that – even when the camera isn’t rolling – you’re always mic’d. That dude with the boom pole on the roof of your car? He’s the sound guy, and he’s privy to your every utterance.

 

Courtney dashcam

But they weren’t the only ones in stealth mode this week. Little Dylz pulled off the greatest act of smuggling since the Greeks clambered into that wooden horse.

It was of utmost importance to Team Dylzs that no one find out about their secret weapon – a flippin’ massive hanging egg chair. When they were faced with having to take the chair offsite, Little Dylz came up with a foolproof solution: shielding a portion of the egg chair with some building paper and not looking anyone in the eye as he jammed the monstrosity into the back of his tiny vehicle that was parked in the middle of the building site in broad daylight.

It was a fantastic ‘if I can’t see them, they can’t see me’ approach that worked a treat. No one had a clue.

 

Dylz Stealth chair

6) Food Glorious Food

Food played a big part in The Block this week, the likes of which we won’t see again until Dinner Wars rears its ugly head later in the season. The teams took a break from guzzling Pita Pit to enjoy a group dinner that involved these delicious frozen meat patties.

 

Patties on BBQ

 

Group dinner

If cooked-from-frozen burgers aren’t your thing, then perhaps you could be tempted by Emmett’s horrifying banana?

 

Banana

7) Allthegates

Sunday started with last week’s cliffhanger: Ropegate. The Dylsz were on the warpath to find out who had signed for, and thus stolen, the rope for their magic mystery hanging egg chair whatsit.

I was excited at the prospect of seeing Big Dyls run crying to the Wolf and demanding consequences again, but it wasn’t to be. Turns out no one signed for the rope because it hadn’t actually been delivered yet. It was last week’s Wardrobedoorgate all over again.

Speaking of doorgates, this week’s cliffhanger is Grooveddoorgate. Niki and Tiff used grooved doors in their kids room and now all the dudes are following suit. Tiff thinks they’re copying her and the Next Week promos promise to drag this exciting story line well beyond its use-by date.

 

Grooved door

I don’t know about you guys, but I am pretty pumped for the inevitable Fencegate and, if we’re lucky, Gategate.


The Block NZ airs Sunday 7pm and Mon-Wed at 7.30pm on TV3

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