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Television: My Kitchen Rules Power Rankings, Week Six – Blood on the Cauliflower

Alex Casey delivers her contestant power rankings for week six on My Kitchen Rules NZ. This week: a gory cauliflower incident occurs and gatecrashers shake things up.

We are out of the instant restaurants this week. No more funny fridge magnets, no more sensual animal art, no more Skytower-inspired decals. Things are getting serious, so things need to get a bit more ‘Britomart’. Where better to kick off the serious leg of the competition than around the corner from the cuisine centre of the world (the Britomart McDonald’s where all of the drunk people go to weep and yell).

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Before we begin, time to address the elephant in the room here. And I’m not talking about Ben Bayly’s tie:

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With the grand entrance of the gatecrashers came the crumbling of the fourth wall for me. It’s finally happened, I know someone one MKRNZ in Gatecrasher Reagan. It was only a matter of time and patience, and now I embark on this journey with an added extra dimension: the ability to cyberbully during episodes.

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I’m kidding, cyberbullying is bad. Onto my merciless – and definitely not a form of cyber-bullying – contestant power rankings.

1) Monique and Henry

Henry’s biggest challenge on MKRNZ is that he loves to chat in the supermarket. “I could spend three hours,” he beamed. Luckily, he was able to turn on that same deli-section charm during the challenges, attracting crowds to their station by belting ‘Tutira Mai Ngā Iwi’ at the top of his lungs.

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At MKR HQ, Monique and Henry dropped the ball after thinking that their turkey was actually chicken. I was more surprised than anyone – I thought it was one of those undersea blob fish that looks like Alfred Hitchcock:

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They pulled through in the end, proving that, when in doubt, make meatballs. And when in double doubt, make a complicated salsa tower. They might have had some slip-ups, but these guys mean serious business.

2) Travis and Jeremy

Great display from the lads this week, especially considering Travis lost his mind at Nosh and hoarded all of the lamb mince into his trolley like some backwards meat-Santa. Dirty politics, I like it. “Meatgate is now over,” Travis declared, five minutes later. These guys were part of the lamb kofta trifecta of pain this week and, although their offering was under-seasoned, they still came second in the People’s Choice competition. Dat face when you win everything no matter what:

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Travis was also on fire with weird sayings this week:

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More laughs than a clown working at a cream pie factory.

3) Jay and Sarah

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I just feel like, if I pitched the idea of salmon wrapped in bacon to anyone, I would get laughed out of town. But when Jay and Sarah do it, they are so entrancing, so elegant, so regal that you just absolutely roll with whatever concoction they are dishing out. Both Gareth and Ben had never tried their special delicacy before, and of course they nailed it. Stay tuned next week when they plate up a chicken nugget wrapped in a ham steak, and probably take out the whole damn thing.

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On the second magical box night, they got a slab of venison and some pastry. Sarah was right to immediately utter “pie” as if possessed by Mrs Mac herself. Alas, the pastry took too long to roll out and the venison wasn’t the hero of the dish. Week six, and I am yet to see the cape-wielding, crime stopping venison hero the world needs right now.

501--venison-leg-joint4) William and Zoe

The two Aucklanders were right at home cooking in the midst of Britomart this week. Whilst assembling their people’s-choice-award-winning French toast, I couldn’t help but notice that they constantly address each other like B1 and B2.

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They won the challenge, and got to spend the next episode judging the rest of the contestants from their bamboo throne in the sky. These guys are in it for the long haul, feel like they’ll be in the bamboo so long that the panda might go extinct.

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5) Ruth and Cheryl

Yas Kofta Queens. After entering the gauntlet of kofta hell, these two underdogs took it out with their well-seasoned, moist little lamb lumps. “It’s actually exciting,” Cheryl chirped, ever the optimistic meerkat.

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“I don’t mind a magic box,” was another pearler from Cher this week, as those mystical boxes from Nosh opened on their own and collapsed like some depraved James Bond grocery-based gadget. It’s all going great for them – that’s what happens when you put your tears, sweat and ACTUAL blood into your cooking:

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6) Stella and Jess

One of the gatecrasher teams were Stella and Jess, a Wellington pair who work together in a bank and appear to be eternally bathed in an angelic white light.

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They even make beekeeping look like some devine holy ritual:

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The pair launched into the barbeque challenge by making koftas and their own flatbread which, by all accounts, is a pretty flash thing to do. Personally, I would have pummeled down a piece of Tip Top with a mallet: but I’m not a beekeeper flatbread genius. In Kitchen HQ, they made some shrivelled beans:

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And cottoned on the MKR mantra of presentation: “do a smear and hope for the best.” That phrase must never ever be used anywhere else. They’ve learned quick.

7) Simon and Lauren

Simon has really come out of his shell this week, revealing more and more about how much he hates losing to William, and how much he loves to swear in the kitchen.

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They pair made some creepy fish and chips with creamy leeks, which went down like a lead balloon at a county fair (bit of Travis influence there). Despite all of his swearing, Simon still got a gold star in fish filleting from Gareth’s Stickerbook of Rare Praise. “If I stuffed it up, people were just going to laugh,” Simon said sheepishly. He’s either a gentle giant, or a mischevious genius who is taking us all for a ride – because that fish filleting was damn sublime.

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8) Reagan and Ben

The new Auckland flatties love having a brew, grammin’ a plate of salmon, and wearing matching glasses. I’m going to be honest lads, you made a bold start flashing us some of the sweet pork belly nip. Avert your eyes Bob McCroskie.

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Disaster struck in Takutai square after Reagan dramatically cut his finger, and turned into a blue version of ET. I don’t think this is what the judges meant when they said they wanted flavours that would “cut through”:

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After cooking the risky (and risqué) pork belly on the barbie, the boys were exiled to the Sudden Death Naughty Couch, where they proceeded to be ignored by anyone and everyone.

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9) Kimberley and Brooke

In the midst of the Travis-induced lamb warfare, Kimberley and Brooke were the calm eye of the storm. “Tomato chutney” Brooke cooed, as Travis ran away with a bag of lamb mince like a burglar in a cartoon.

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They made “all fritter everything” this week, which wasn’t enough to protect them from the throes of Kitchen HQ. First up they made a magical salmon oasis floating in a horseradish soup, and then destroyed a fish carcass in what Ben Bayly solemnly called “a crucifixion.” I fear deeply for these two.

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Honourable Mentions:

This weird Dr Libby bed advertorial

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The Nosh Black Parade

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