After twelve weeks, two melted pairs of pants and too many bespoke furnishings to count, Tara Ward shares her top ten lessons learned from watching The Block NZ 2014. //
I’m amongst friends, so let me share with the group: I am a Blockaholic. This morning I thought I saw The Wolf coming out of the Crazy Pumpkin Fruit & Vege Shop in New Plymouth. It wasn’t him; it was just some joker in a check shirt. When I was cleaning for an open home last weekend I pretended Mark was outside yelling “one hour to go!” I even had a Damo moment when I mistakenly painted a kitchen skirting board the wrong colour… and now I can’t be bothered changing it.
I’ve spent a lot of time watching The Block NZ this year. Together with our four teams, I laughed, I cried, I tried to dry my pants on an industrial heater. And now that it’s over – there’s that post-Christmas feeling. I’m filled to the brim, satisfied with the gifts received, and ready for a good lie down. Recline with me, fellow Blockaholics, as we reflect upon some of the important life lessons that are the legacy of The Block NZ 2014.
10) Always announce your pregnancy on national television
The whole country understands why you’re not painting ceilings until stupid a.m., and it ensures you’ll get an excellent stash of hand knitted goodies when baby arrives.
9) Embrace your femininity
Forget Corban’s superb project management and attention to detail, and pay tribute to his true secret weapon: rocking a bespoke lime green tutu.
8) Harness the power of the media to increase public awareness
73% of all reality television pregnancies will experience the rare but devastating ‘Slugs in Your Heels’ condition. Thanks to Quinn for highlighting this little known ailment.
7) Always match your camisole with the curtains
Always appear in clothes that complement the interior colour scheme. Shimmering Shelley, we score you a perfect 10. Have a word in Mark’s ear, though, would you?
6) Good help is hard to find
Martin the Builder was a haggis-cooking, boat-building, table-making, kilt-wearing wonder. We forgive him for mixing up East and West on the ceiling compass in Maree and James’ kid’s bedroom. He’s a long way from home, ye ken?
5) Don’t be afraid of new things
Like Damo’s suggestion for a ‘transgender’ bedroom. The idea had merit, surely.
4) Have an on-call team of celebrities for emergency situations
Praise be to the MediaWorks gods for stars like Jay Jay Feeney and Jackie Thomas, who saved the day with their crate tower climbing / wooden bike riding skills. In terms of celebrity appearances, they were up there with Noel-from-Hear’Say’s cameo in Gavin and Stacey. Crackin’.
3) Never invite a lizard to your dinner party
It’s right up there with Jesus and politics as a surefire way to ruin your guests’ night.
2) Socks and jandals are back
Practical and adaptable, this timeless fashion ensemble easily takes you from work to drinks, from DIY hell to reality TV heaven. Don’t let them tell you otherwise, Quinn. Just like T-Swiz says, haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.
1) Be the Wind Beneath Their Wings
When Alex and Corban generously gave $30,000 of their winnings to Quinn and Ben, they simultaneously secured a place in New Zealand television history and naming rights of Quinn and Ben’s baby. Corbex? Alban? Or…The Wolf?