My YouTube Party of Five is a new series in which we invite people to share their five favourite YouTube videos, the ones hold closest in their heart, the ones they’ll play at 2am while drunk at a party. This week: Tiny Portions sculptor Rose Young.
I tend to treat YouTube as a test, forcing people to sit and watch videos that I think are great while I sit sweating, an expression of hopeful nervousness on my face as I watch their reactions. It’s a test to see if we have a shared dark humour or if they think I am a freak for loving the things that I do. Most of the time it’s a mix of both, which I am fine with. I don’t mind being a freak as long as I have a whole side show of freaks to share my time with.
Someone older and wiser than me once said that nothing good ever happens after midnight. I understand this and sort of agree when it’s applied to “da club” (which in my opinion isn’t good before midnight either). However this old wiser person is wrong when it comes to that time after you’ve stopped drinking, stayed up way too late and everything all of a sudden becomes hilarious.
Your friend might empty a fridge to see if he could fit inside it, just for a laugh. Someone might cook a catering sized bag of hash browns prompting a business idea called “We Fry Everything” where you can get anything you like battered and deep fried for six dollars or two cigarettes (this business would mostly operate outside student halls of residence at 2am).
My YouTube taste exists somewhere in these unusual hours where time is suspended, you are your most pure self and every idea is a good one.
Things I learned from this video:
Hot people have problems too! They’re just like me, except they’re hot.
If you live in LA and your dad’s always working and you catch your mum banging the gardener, you get whatever you want for your fifteenth birthday. If what you want for your birthday is a wildly inappropriate pop song and video clip of you riding about in a limo with your minion, then it’s yours, Amanda.
Boise State girl tearin’ it up on the cowbell
You need to watch this one a few times in a row. It’s ten seconds long but you know that to this percussive goddess, it felt like an eternity.
She perfectly embodies how shit it is to be somewhere you hate, and to be documented being there. It’s all in the eyes, those eyes could win an Oscar, they already won my heart. I also love how she’s knocking on the cowbell seemingly obscenely out of time, little did she know, she was making my heart skip beats as well.
“I don’t need friends, they disappoint me” and other acting class classics
This is a compilation of very strange videos from an acting class.
There’s many things to love about this video – the strange movements the actors do after saying their lines, the fact that there’s a guy called Dick Forkin, the woman at the 4:29 mark who has a beautiful voice and wants to talk about how she forgot to bring black shoes on vacation.
Someone has, for the sake of comedy and joy, painstakingly been through all the videos from this night class for white people and created what can only be called a masterpiece.
My favourite quotes include:
“I don’t need friends, they disappoint me.”
“Some said the ducks went to Canada, others said, Toronto.”
“I can’t stand it when she touches me.”
“He’s inside the closet, I had him stuffed,”
If you want to watch the original videos check out the acting teacher’s YouTube page I’m sure you will be as surprised as I was to find that the teacher was not, in fact, The Room‘s Tommy Wiseau.
“I don’t want my pizza burning”
This is a real room divider – you’re either super creeped out but can’t stop watching or you think it’s great and are singing the song for the next year to the dismay of everyone around you.
A very clever rendition of The Rolling Stones’ ‘Beast of Burden’, this video is made up of very high quality computer graphics and beautiful singing. A woman (let’s call her Luanne), who seems to be a cross between an original EA Sim and something from your deepest nightmares, dances about an oven in which a pizza is burning.
Luanne is also wearing a stethoscope and scrubs because she’s probably just got back from surgically removing the kidneys of terrified, awake children. Basically, she doesn’t want her pizza burning, she walks for miles, and smells it burning.
This video really peaks around the 1:30 mark when Luanne shows us some uninvited tongue action. Be careful not to stare too long or you may vomit up your own soul.
Pretty Much Everywhere, It’s Gonna Be Hot
This is another short one, which needs watching several times.
Have you ever had a job that you saw as ridiculous and pointless? I have, but you’re getting paid so you might as well turn up and do the job. Thus is the case of this infamous Haitian weather man, Arthur.
The mean annual temperature in Port-Au-Prince, Haiti is very hot at 28.1 degrees Celsius. The range of mean monthly temperatures is 3.5 °C which is an extremely low range. Basically, pretty much everywhere, it’s gonna be hot.
Apparently the news cast were ordered to wear jackets, despite the stupid hot forecast. Hence the anchorwoman‘s note that she doesn’t need a jacket in reply to Arthur’s segment.
In conclusion: Stay pretty hot, Arthur.
Find more instalments of My YouTube Party of Five here.
Rose Young is a Wellington sculptor, writer and dog mum. You can see her Tiny Portions sculptures right here.
The Spinoff Weekly compiles the best stories of the week – an essential guide to modern life in New Zealand, emailed out on Monday evenings.