Compiling the best reading from your friendly local website.
Emily Writes: Surviving Wine Mum Night
“6.10pm – You all agree that nobody can get drunk because we all have the kids the next day and nobody can cope with hangovers.
6.20pm – Shots of absinthe for everyone.”
“Would you believe us if we said it was a salute to your own president, a celebration of his instrument of choice, his slender and vertiginous tweeting finger, his digital native, his towering inferno, his middle Twistie, his Covfefe-flapping bumper knuckle?
“Would you believe us if we said it was a Wellington thing, a Hobbity wave – the famous Middle Earth middle finger?”
Duncan Greive: How Paradise ate Sandringham
“Just down the road is Bawarchi. It too makes delicious Hyderabad biryani and has expanded from its original takeaway to become a restaurant, in the process spreading into the premises of the Chinese takeaway and $2 shop that used to be its neighbours.
“That’s not the only thing it has in common with its bigger rival. In fact, Bawarchi’s owner was the original co-founder of Paradise. He and Waseem were partners – hardworking young immigrants in their mid-twenties, out to build a business.
“Then, somehow, it all fell apart.”
“But we could have been Denmark. That’s the country that gave us The Killing, Borgen, The Bridge and a whole heap more internationally acclaimed TV. We’ve got the same size population, very similar cultural traditions and a significant market advantage over the Danes in that our main language is English. But while Denmark, and the other Scandinavian countries, and Ireland too, all decided years ago they would get serious about projecting their culture to the world in the form of quality television and film, we decided, what? What did we decide?
“It was this. We decided very specifically not to take that path. We commissioned no projects that would aim for greatness. Producers who wanted to do that were rejected. Great, in New Zealand, was declared the enemy of good. And good, when you look at it like that, really means good enough, barely good enough, we don’t even know what good is anymore.”
“When I first used it I was quite nervous, and to be honest it took me a little while to get the knack. I was worried it would leak (it did), that it would be uncomfortable (it was, until I figured out how to use it) and that it would be revolting (surprisingly, less gross than tampons). I persisted, and after a week of trial and error I have not looked back. After 18 months or so of using my cup I have found it overall much more comfortable to wear, much less scary (no risk of toxic shock syndrome) and cheaper due to the one-off cost.”
Madeleine Chapman: The Spinoff reviews New Zealand: Petone Kmart
“I was sceptical. It is, after all, just another Kmart. There’s already one in Porirua. How great could it be? It was pretty bloody great. Despite the traffic heading towards it, the actual parking lot was huge and had more than enough parks. They correctly estimated that everyone would lose their shit and all go at once. The entrance was packed with people who maybe didn’t realise there was more to the store than just one aisle. It was chaos, but somehow it was organised chaos.”
“It’s unfair to say Theresa May is an android. Androids have complex circuitry and the ability to at least mimic human emotion. Theresa May is more like a 1982 Commodore 64 that’s been banged with a hammer and told it has to pass the Voight Kampff test. The prime minister has run such a terrible campaign that even the landed gentry in charge of The Telegraph have given their younger staff permission to own her online. She answers every question with the same string of banalities.”
Peter Newport: A Clash of Titans, southern style
“It’s a story so epic it should be sung in Italian by people wearing Viking helmets, supported by a 500-strong chorus of ruddy cheeked townsfolk. And yet – it’s a by-election for the Otago Regional Council.
“At stake though are fundamental issues around regional government and even bigger consequences for some high profile personalities in Dunedin, Central Otago and Queenstown. There’s also a few hundred million dollars in play.”
Alex Casey: Is The Handmaid’s Tale… a documentary?
“Even here in New Zealand, there are eerie parallels. Never forget: abortion is still a criminal act and hundreds of women are told every year that their abortion is ‘unjustified’. Primary school girls are sent home for having periods, high school girls can’t show their backs (or fronts) at the school ball, and a woman saying “no” to sex is still not enough. The friggin’ costumes were inspired by Gloriavale FFS! “It’s not so much that we’re all going to imminently end up in Gilead,” reckons Megan, “but that we’ve never really left there”.”
“Here are things parents do that I find weird:
- Smacking their kids
- Bullying their kids
- Letting their kids watch Paw Patrol
- Raising their kids not to be accepting and welcoming of people from different cultures, countries, and religions
- Not being loving and accepting toward their LGBT kids
Here is something parents do that I don’t find weird:
- KISSING THEIR CHILDREN ON THE LIPS”
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The Spinoff Weekly compiles the best stories of the week – an essential guide to modern life in New Zealand, emailed out on Monday evenings.