Compiling the best reading from your friendly local website.
“The real kicker is that this wasn’t even conducted outside a vineyard, or inside a fictitious locker room where there might have been a vague thought that only a handful of people would ever see or hear it, as with more recent celebrity doozies. Jackson said this in an incredibly public forum, the power of which he must be intimately familiar with: it’s the same one that made him a star. He knew exactly how this would be received by his legions of fans, and exactly how they would mobilise in relation to the woman in question.”
“If you, too, are suffering from anxious, get-me-a-laxative-face in the leadup to the historic address on the Capitol, why not distract yourself with Drain the Cup! The Spinoff Donald Trump inauguration drinking game?
(NB the Spinoff encourages responsible drinking, so you’re probably best with low-alcohol beer or cordial. Then again, in many ways the world is off its face, so do what you like.)”
Co-sleeping has saved our sanity 100% of the time we have co-slept. It has also made me lose my will to live after being kicked in the kidney and screamed at and farted on 100% of the time. So I would recommend doing it or not doing it 100% of the time.”
Madeleine Chapman: I lived my life using only inspirational advice from Typo and it wasn’t good
“As I walked to my athletics meet, I was already in a full sweat from all the sugar and now also had a deep cut on my lip from severe dryness, both in jokes and in reality. I started to crave a cucumber. That sweet nothing taste of water and health. But apparently a Typo customer has only two modes of eating; all sugar and carbs, or only water. A binge and purge mentality, if you will. Aka the worst possible thing to promote.”
“This is not just a dial-a-racist sermon from an undead spittle-soaked narcissist. Too many of us don’t see other people as people, with complicated lives and reasons for being the way they are. Instead we see them as annoyances; things to be ignored and stepped around on our way to work. We want our lives cleared of these uncomfortable intrusions into our morning coffees. If we look deep enough into most of our middle-class psyches there’s a hint of that belief: “I earned everything I have. I deserve this.” The only alternative being the truth: that we’ve profited from a system that mostly keeps people who aren’t like us poor.”
Calum Henderson: Is the number 69 banned for the Blackcaps?
“A spokesperson for New Zealand Cricket has confirmed the number 69 has never been available to Blackcaps players, saying of all the numbers from 1 to 99, ’69 is the only number that can’t be used, due to its double meaning.’
The double meaning of 69 is well-known. It is one of a handful of universally acknowledged ‘funny numbers’ – others include 420 (the weed number) and 666 (Satan). 69 is the sex number.”
“I already had my suspicions that it wouldn’t be seen as a solid civic gift, so we went for something more conventional. I’m quite happy that there’s going to be a park bench in one of Wellington’s lovely reserves, because I’ve been pretty involved in protecting the natural environment in Wellington.
So it all ended well.”
“A 1988 paper carries the title ‘Racial Tensions: A Growing Factor in New Zealand Politics’, and notes the surging popularity of the National opposition’s Maori Affairs spokesman Winston Peters, who ‘has scored the Lange government for pandering to Maori demands’, and whose ‘attacks have helped National hold its large lead over Labor in opinion polls … he is now the most popular opposition member of parliament’.”
Mitchell Houlbrooke: An aggrieved reader writes: In defence of Ed Sheeran’s latest single
“On the balance of things, ‘Shape of You’ is a pretty damn good tropical house single. What it gets right more than anything is restraint. Tropical house shouldn’t smack you in the face. It should wash over you. Gently. Until the bliss is too much to take. Well, this track is a masterclass.”
Our Correspondent: Exclusive: Richie and Gemma thrill onlookers in Auckland dairy
“Flynn, 26, who exchanged vows with the Rugby World Cup winning hero over the weekend before friends and family at an exclusive Wanaka event dubbed ‘New Zealand’s royal wedding’, looked relaxed and at one with the world in unassuming three-quarter length slacks and a grey marle shirt offset by 16-millimetre white circular dots distributed evenly across the fabric.”