Citizen Pink: please back our campaign to get this hero a passport immediately

The case to make the singer a citizen of Aotearoa is now irrefutable. Please jump on board and get this passport party started.

The American singer-songwriter with a passion for good tunes, good values and upside down exclamation marks has just completed a triumphant tour of New Zealand, playing to sell-out crowds in Dunedin and across a stonking six (6) shows in Auckland.

Sometimes in journalism you must back important causes, so we urge you, reader, to get behind us, to call your local member of parliament to demand that Pink is granted New Zealand citizenship. Whatever it takes, and frankly whether she wants it or not, Pink must be given a passport.

The case is overwhelming. The reasons are these:

She’s been here longer than Peter Thiel

Leading New Zealand entrepreneur Peter Thiel had spent only 12 days in New Zealand before he was granted citizenship. On just this latest tour, Pink was here for 13 days. Add the previous two tours and you have a total number of days that is even more than 13. Give Pink citizenship.

She’s generated a range of important headlines

Including going to the mall and heading out for a nice drink.

Give Pink citizenship.

Good titles

On her second studio album Missundaztood, Pink revealed her proclivity for putting random Zs in titles, in a manner beloved of small businesses across New Zealand. Give Pink citizenship.

Charity

Peter Thiel helped his cause by donating to the Christchurch earthquake recovery fund. Pink signed a painting for charity. Give Pink citizenship.

Patriot

She has completed the most sacred and revered task for all visitors to our nation: saying nice things about New Zealand on the internet. Unlike Barack Obama, who has still not tweeted about New Zealand – although we live in hope that Day 173 will be The Day – Pink did lots of tweets about New Zealand.

Give Pink citizenship.

Petrol

Her husband had a hoon on a bike around the south island, so should get citizenship too. Give Pink citizenship.

One of us

She has revealed her innate New Zealandness by opening up about one of the quintessential Auckland experiences: having a shitty time on Ponsonby Road.

Citizenship. Now.

Hope and change

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