The Block NZ: Villa Wars is jackhammering its way onto our screens soon, putting teams head to head as they restore villas to their former glory in Sandringham. The Block will see a fair few changes this season, with a new challenge host (ex-judge Shelley Ferguson), judges Bernadette Morrison and Jason Bonham, and – most exciting of all – Pita Pit joining as a partner. I simply can’t wait to hear the teams repeatedly butcher the order for a “Chick’n Fala” and get a solid consensus on the pronunciation of “pita” once and for all. But enough about delicious and healthy meal options, let’s meet the teams for 2015.
Jamie and Hayden
This might be the ‘banter’ couple! Fingers crossed Jamie and Hayden and the new Jo and Damo, having got together after many hilarious-sounding hijinks involving broken legs and towed cars. He is an ex-police officer studying law, she is a sales representative and a North Harbour netball player. Jamie seems incredibly competitive, and once made Hayden play cards with her 30 times so she could beat him convincingly. Skills wise, Hayden lives for DIY, and Jamie is very much looking forward to getting “on the tools.”
What will be in their villa, probably? One table and a shotgun, with Jamie sitting there calmly inviting you to play Russian Roulette… or else.
Brooke and Mitch
This team currently reside in Christchurch with Mitch’s parents, after returning from a classic big OE. They own a labrador called Chopper, which seems suspicious to me. Chopper’s Republic of The Block-istan? Too soon to say. Mitch once made a map of New Zealand on the wall for Brooke using a toilet cistern. I’m disgusted, impressed, and am looking forward to him adorning wallpapering with toilet paper. When it comes to design, Mitch prefers a feel-good combo of black and concrete. Brooke, however, doesn’t like quite as much concrete.
What will be in their villa, probably? A black and concrete portaloo jail.
Sarah and Minnane
These young sisters from Hamilton are billed as “deceptively strong”, having helped their builder father renovate from a very early age. Sarah has a Masters in Industrial Design, has worked in 3D modelling and speaks three languages. Minnane has a Bachelor of Arts and Bachelor of Commerce degree, and likes to make short films in her spare time. Together, I’m hoping they are going to be weird and conceptual and, as promised, alarmingly brawny.
What will be in their villa, probably? Negative space, you walk into a room and the walls collapse around you, leaving nothing but a greyscale projected montage of young girl crying, a seagull eating a chip and a stationary butter churn.
Cat and Jeremy
This is the James and Marie couple of this season, I’m guessing this because Jeremy’s proposal to Cat (or lack thereof) after many years of being together made it into the second sentence of their bio. But also, Jeremy works in industrial design, making spaces efficient – so maybe he’s Corban? Either way, Cat says she has very long arms and will put them to good use when painting.
What will be in their villa, probably? Many shelves just a little too high for the average punter due to Cat’s alleged spider monkey arms.
The Block NZ: Villa Wars is coming soon to TV3
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