Today is the fancy day when a man from Apple gets on stage wearing an infinity scarf and announces a new thing.

If you have been living under a rock for the past three and a half hours: there is a new iPhone that is slightly bigger than the old one and a new iPhone watch. For when your wrist needs to skype the kids back home. Innovative, but still not as good as the cutting-edge “DJ Roomba” of Parks and Recreation fame.

Eagerly anticipating a time when Apple’s “One more thing…” onscreen hook is followed by Suzanne Paul cruising out in a turtleneck beside DJ Roomba. When will Apple catch up? The world is waiting.

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