In a new occasional feature, The Spinoff Politics invites voices from the blogosphere to address the issues of the day. This week, we asked FaceTheTruth and Liber Archie to consider the panda situation.
FaceTheTruth: The panda and the flightless birds
Here we go again, the MSM and the BDSM (blinkered, decadent social media) getting all hot and horny like a Tory at a smorgasbord and about what? About pandas. About some bloody pandas. Pandamonium! Pandemic! Panda-ing to the Powerful! Talk about opening Pandara’s Box!!!
Donkey John Key has flopped out his furry wallet again to reshape the narrative. Apparently Wellington Zoo is a bit of a dog of a zoo, which makes it a shit zoo, and so the Wellington BUBBLE of state apparatchiks tickle their own amply fed tummies and join in the panda bear chrous.
The corporate media and their buddies in the Twitterati have no idea they’re being played by Shonky John Key. The pandas are a false flag operation to distract from the urgent flag laws, passed by a bunch of self-regarding Greenies with the support of a poll-dancing prime minister.
The red peak flag beloved of the chattering classes itself was a distraction from a prime minister DESPERATE to get his hapless vanity legacy flag project back on track. The vanity legacy flag project was a distraction from the damage inevitably to be wrought on school-bound barefoot children by drunk Tories spilling quite literally out of bars after watching the hegemonic All Blacks. David Seymour’s breakfast bingeing bill was a transparent attempt to distract from the TPP global sell-out and children in poverty and the boycott of TV3.
Watch now as Trader John makes a deal with the Chinese for his beloved pandas, no doubt involving several bottles of pinot noir and a new wing of pokies at Sky City. He’ll also throw in a few kiwis, apparently, which once again proves to be the PERFECT symbol for Aotearoa New Zealand I mean not to take anything away from Te Ao Maori and tino rangatiratanga which underpin our nation but just look at that little thing, spends most of its time asleep, hardly puts up a fight and flap flap flaps without leaving the ground. WAKE UP KIWEEPLE!
Liber Archie: Communists, Nazis and Pandas
How the mighty have fallen. Such an opportunity John Key had to complete the work of Roger Douglas, unshackle New Zealanders and shrink the iron state and instead he has dissolved into a prissy lefty panda-hugging socialist. What better symbol of his capitulation to Red Statism than a soclialised arrangement with the Communist Party of China to lease one of its collectivised Pandas?
Let Key’s steep path into full-blown prissy crypto-liberalism be marked with the pawprints of Chinese pandas. He has become a dancing monkey, grooving around like a cossack to the beat of the Twitter terrorists and the lefty MSM, desperate for one more hit, a photo-op junkie, one more smug little meme, waving his Red Peak flag like a student politician at a dress-up party, coated in the insignia of namby pamby PC-pickled bleeding heart liberal communists and Nazis and panda bears.
Honestly if he’s so desperate to suck up to the liberal luvvies why doesn’t he just go and marry the Pope?
I hope this will do the trick. I’m extra angry because it’s daylight saving, yet another state intrusion that does my head in.
The Spinoff Weekly compiles the best stories of the week – an essential guide to modern life in New Zealand, emailed out on Monday evenings.