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Power RankingsJune 23, 2015

Shortland Street: Power Rankings – Sucky Cancer, Ministry Creepers and Seductive Swedes

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Elyse Robêrt brings us this week’s Shortland Street power rankings, covering the brownie-assisted highs and cancer-assisted lows of life in Ferndale.

Tis the season – the winter season. And that means more Shorty, 30 minutes more to be precise. We’re missing the Warners who are still off on their fancy holiday; Kylie is inadequately jealous of TK and Pania’s “thing”; and poor Bella still has a lot of decisions to make and not a lot of time to make them in.

Here’s this week’s power rankings:

1) Pixie
To quote her brother “I hate it, cancer sucks”. When the only thing that’s making you feel better is some special brownies from the corner store, you do your best to hold on to your supplier. Victoria found out about the brownies this week. When she threatened to call the police, Pixie wasn’t having it. Our sweet little Piki BLACKMAILED Victoria. “I won’t take any of the medication if you tell about the brownies”. Mega power play Pix, mega.


2) Jimmy
Started at the bottom now we here. Jimmy has upped his game this week. I’m not sure if it’s Dayna’s willingness to accept him as her father, or the fear of repeating history, but he is turning into one strong baby daddy. His rejected Guns n Roses song soothed Bele better than a thumb of whiskey ever could. But his poposal? Well it landed rather flat with Bella, even though she said yes. Jimmy can keep his top 5 ranking…. for now…

3) Pania

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To be honest, Pania had a bit of a poo time this week. The creepy Health Ministry guy, Rueben, skeeved on her in her exam room and then belittled her in front of everyone at the IV after she tried to expose his ewwyness (which he fobbed off as a display of jealousy). When she tried to entrap him later in a hotel room, TK tagged along to ruin her ploy. Is it it wasn’t already crowded, Caleb showed up and tried to crack TK (mistakenly thinking TK and Pania were having an affair). Ultimately Caleb told Pania the marriage was over.

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But all of this put her on the bottom with the only way being up, up, up. It has fuelled the fire in her belly, her angry post-Vindaloo status belly. Lord only knows what wrath Pania will thrust upon the world next week.

4) Victoria
We love her for how she helps Pixie, but we love her even more for her sass. This week she held her own in an argument with Curtis after she found out he’d been dealing Pixie’s pain meds for some cash monies. The argument nearly turned physical, but Vix backed down at the right moment and took the moral high ground – running straight to Mo to dob in Curtis. Oh, and she managed to score the Hannah’s the Warner pad until they could get some decent housing. What a lady.


5) Rueben
So he might be creepy, but this Health Ministry official sure knows how to “network”. His smooth skills got Pania into a dodgy hotel room ready for a confrontation of sorts, but it went awry when TK and Caleb showed up. But Rueben’s a smooth operator, all he had to do was shake a shiny bottle of Lindauer at the three musketeers and be on his merry way. That’s twice now he’s gotten away with being a creeper.

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On the come up: Kane Jenkins, PE Teacher Bobby

Fast Facts:

Life Advice #1
If you want to attract babes – literally, Kane’s like 16 – there ain’t nothing like a fake accent to do the job. PE Student Teacher Bobby is from somewhere in America/Sweden/Zimbabwe and she’s like honey to a bee.

Life Advice #2
Want someone to say yes to your marriage proposal? Do it in public so they can’t say no for fear of embarrassment. Soz Bella.

Next week on Shorty
Hopefully we’ll find out why Kylie has such a good tan (sunbed cancer scare on the horizon? You heard it here first). Harry Warner better show up and play some serious Game Centre with Pixie so they can get some dope (haha) selfies for their My Life pages. And it’s about time Clementine got a story of her own instead of just playing the meddling little sister – I want her to get a puppy.


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Mad Chapman, Editor
Aotearoa continues to adapt to a new reality and The Spinoff is right there, sorting fact from fiction to bring you the latest updates and biggest stories. Help us continue this coverage, and so much more, by supporting The Spinoff Members.Madeleine Chapman, EditorJoin Members

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