Please enjoy this week’s episode of Shorty Street Scandal, revisiting the past week of Ferndale funny business.

This week seemed very genital-heavy. Grace had a rather distressing birth in Fiji and Nicole’s unborn baby had his weiner put under the microscope. Dallas and Bella decided to stop sleeping together until their wedding night, which lasted about 3 seconds as Dallas immediately doused himself in suds erotically like some Jessica Simpson wannabe. In other sex news, Nicole and Vinny acted out a Jane Austen inspired roleplay. I honestly don’t know what our fair nation is watching anymore.

In serious news, crowd favourite/saucer-eyed man-boy Evan left the show. Let us have a moment to mourn the loss of a midwife, a son, a chef and a toy boy. Even more concerning than Evan’s ejection from the Street is the disappearance of Leanne. She said she was going up North for a week but, as James concernedly points out, has been absent for 17 whole days. Looks like we might have our own Gone Girl on our hands.

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