Please enjoy this excellent episode of Shorty Street Scandal, wherein James Mustapic recaps the past week of Ferndale hijinks. This week? Dropped babies, Kardashian-style sex tape antics and Dallas falling in love with a little green lady called Maryjane.
Nicole may be out of her coma, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t hellbent on getting her baby into one by dropping her headfirst onto the floor. With Leanne and Vinnie out at the latest superhero skin flick (“men running around in tights capping each other? Mum, you’ll love it”), she is left to her own devices with the poor little babe. Maybe the bump on the head will become the baby’s superhero origin story someday, who knows?
Over at Camp Leanne, we get our weekly sprinkling of casual racism. This week she refused to support a programme for Maori in need of medical attention, only interested in something that caters to everybody. If you think that’s bad, she also failed to get Ula’s name right again. Leanne needs to get it together if she wants to keep her job in the bustling melting pot that is Shortland Street. We even had a few sentences on the show in Maori this week!
In more horrifying news, James features a throwback to the Murray and Wendy sex tape scandal of yesterday. The liberally-labelled videotape entitled Monkeying Around got in the hands of Evan, who thinks it’s a 3D killer gorilla flick. He then gave it to Phoenix, who put it on for Harry at a sleepover. “It’s Mrs Cooper, she’s not going to take her clothes off his she?” Yes Harry, yes she is. Hold you hand in mine Harry Warner, life is cruel and sometimes you have to witness some terrible things.
In the best storyline of the week – Dallas smokes weed for the first time. Definitely calling it “whacky packy”, he smokes up and gets deeply and hilariously stoned. It’s always good when Shortland Street deals with something like this, toeing the line of ‘strong social message’ and ‘100% slapstick comedy’. After fondling with a lot of novelty cushions, Dallas heads to the IV to eat all the hotdogs Boyd’s money can buy. What a treasure of a scene.
The episode ends on a high note with the news that James is moving to Auckland! We welcome him into our traffic-laden bosom, and wish him all the best with finding a lounge half as fancy to film his videos in.
The Spinoff Weekly compiles the best stories of the week – an essential guide to modern life in New Zealand, emailed out on Monday evenings.