Young couple Jessie and Ricki (“The Christchurch Cuties”) were the hosts in this stormer of an episode. This pair always seemed mysterious, like there was more to them than just cuteness and Christchurch-ness. We all remember their well-timed decision to come out as a couple at the dinner table (causing the Corporate Dads to go into cardiac arrest). They have also downplayed their cooking skills many times in front of the judges, which also seemed calculated. I mean, they both worked at McDonald’s so someone’s got to be loving it (‘it’ being cooking food that is consistently delicious).
The Cuties announced that they would be rocking ravioli for the starter, which raised two red flags. The first was judge Ben Bayly’s position as the gleaming Michelin star of pasta-making. The second was that Jessie nervously admitted that they had only been making it for a few weeks, under the instruction of youtube tutorials. As we all know, nothing ever goes wrong when you learn a skill from youtube.
Meanwhile, the guests arrived at “Leather and Lace” – the most erotic instant restaurant since “Fire and Ice” in Orewa. Corporate Dad Josh was overwhelmingly impressed by the images of James Dean on the wall (“what a legend”), and revealed that fellow C.D. Aaron had once been a rebellious rock star. Then Fireman Ian said something very rude.
Smashing through convention once again, the Cuties nailed the ravioli starter. Ben Bayly’s thin lips retracted in what can only be described as a smile – he had found his pasta Padawans. Panicked preparation for the main course led to Ricki getting hysterical over salmon steaks, and Jessie accidentally using spinach instead of rocket in the salad. Sawing off the burnt salmon skins, it was clear that the fish had been cooked all kinds of crazy. They still got away with it. Because of cute.
Even their munted chocolate puddings got a high-five on a technicality. Baked well past the point of gooey chocolate, they were essentially little lumps of cake. Although everyone lamented the lack of goo, the menu hadn’t promised goo – so they got away with it. I suppose you could say the judges let the goo…slide. They had just enough fancy sugar sticks, roasted nuts and glitter to redeem themselves anyway. Corporate Dad Aaron was moved by the “stunning” glitter. Polynesian Cook Heather said it looked like a fairy had farted on her plate.
In a historic MKRNZ first, the Christchurch Cuties scored a 10/10 for their ravioli. In total, they took away 70 points, knocking Ian and Sandie down one place on the leaderboard. Sandie remained optimistic, “I’m still proud of the 69”. And we all know there’s nothing funny about that.
independent journalism happen!Find Out More
Buzzword of the ep: “ooze” (everybody was way too comfortable saying this)
Prop of the ep: Elaborate sugar shard (patriotic tribute to fallen Zephyrometer of Wellington?)
Screengrab of the ep: Fireman Ian sitting at table with shirt completely unbuttoned
Join The Spinoff Members for as little as $1 to help us hire more journalists and do more investigations. Or get a free Toby Morris-designed tea towel when you contribute $80 or more over a year.
The Bulletin is The Spinoff’s acclaimed daily digest of New Zealand’s most important stories, delivered directly to your inbox each morning.