Finally we got to explore the inner boardrooms of Corporate Dads Aaron and Josh. Unsurprisingly, their instant restaurant was inside a giant yellow mansion with a massive swimming pool. Just goes to show, there’s a hell of a lot of dosh in sexy fertility vitamins. Their background video shows them crunching numbers in a café, wearing Red Hot Chili Peppers merchandise and taking business calls. Turns out they own a company called “Two Fat Cats” that makes butter with chunks of vegetables in it. Or something. They are corporate, we get it.
On the way to the supermarket, Josh conducted in-depth risk analysis on the evening ahead: “we can always cook it more, but we can’t cook it less”. After a shambles of a shop due to poor communication of grocery-asset-surplus-management, they headed home to prepare for the evening at “Two Fat Cats” restaurant. The decor of the room was Donald-Trump-chic a.k.a a giant deer head on the roof, Anna Kournikova’s framed dress on the wall (scary) and Wall Street Journal themed menus. As my Dad said in a text during the ep, deer heads just don’t work in a house with low ceilings. But that’s just the corporate way I guess. Aim high. Synergise. Buy assets. Buy the giant disembodied head of a deer.
In the kitchen, the pair psychotically scribbled their game plan all over the fridge doors like something out of Memento. Their starter was seared tuna, rocket salad and a vinaigrette in an overly-elaborate cucumber barrel. Guests arrived as Aaron was searing the tuna and he swore a lot. Welcoming them frantically into the restaurant, the pair provided the weirdest entertainment feature yet: a welcome video from vodka baron Geoff Ross. Even judge Gareth was confused as to whether they were on MKR or The Apprentice. We would soon realise that the main course of chicken would be served with a Moa Beer reduction. As in Geoff Ross’s Moa beer. Vertical integration. Synergy. Business.
The tuna went down a storm with everyone apart from Cutie Jessie who, as we know, is adverse to all meats. The judges slammed the “bad 80s” cucumber barrels. As the suits returned to the kitchen to cook the main course, Aaron and Ian had an absolute jamboree of a sing-song. The main course of chicken breast and duchess potatoes was quite well received, particularly the rich and delicious Moa reduction in which it was served. For dessert, the pear and ginger crumble didn’t go down so well. Perhaps if they had served it in Moa beer it would have been better, really given it that edge. Dessert seemed to bring up major Mommy issues for Gareth, who reminisced for a little too long about nibbling crumble on the kitchen floor as a child. Get the man a Moa beer. The crumble got a low score all round, bringing their total down to 68 points and reducing poor Sandie to tears. It’s just business, sweetheart.
Buzzword of the ep: “brother” used by Aaron about as many times as in Dog the Bounty Hunter
Prop of the ep: Patriotic guitar and the soulful tunes that followed
Screengrab of the ep: Gareth smoulders away thinking about apple crumble (probably)