Please enjoy this week’s episode of Shorty Street Scandal, wherein James Mustapic recaps the past week of Ferndale hijinks. This week? We meet our darling Clementine, Chris forgets how to parent and Wendy cockblocks the night away:
It’s always exciting to have a new addition to the Street – this week saw the arrival of Clementine. She’s a sassy schoolgirl looking to do some serious café work and make some serious sick burns on Ula’s ornament (“fugly”). Clementine immediately got hard at work making friends with Honour, bringing up the video that she made with Toby the murderer. Referring to Toby’s convicted Dad murder, she shrugged, “and I thought my friends were alternative.” Disturbingly in Ferndale, hipster points are earned via amount of murders done. Chilling. The Ferndale Strangler must have been the king of the underground scene.
Over at the Warner house, Chris was struggling to look after baby Trinity. We know this because he kept clumsily dropping her bottle and making exasperated faces. It’s hard for Chris, he’s only had SIX OTHER CHILDREN, therefore has very little experience in this field. Leanne had a stellar moment at the front desk, calling Trinity by the wrong name (Trifecta). Also, conspiracy theory: if you add a ‘t’ to Chris he becomes Christ. His daughter is called Trinity, her mother is called Grace. Is this religion overload on the Street? Are they trying to GALVINISE the masses? Makes you think. Maybe that’s why he has so many children…
Finally, we are getting closer and closer to Honour and Kane doing the dirty. If only it wasn’t for Wendy’s constant cock-blocking through hilarious autocorrect txts that ruin the vibe completely. In the height of passion, she sent through some garbage to Kane about “macaroni cheers”, which Kane stupidly a) stopped to read and b) then read out loud despite the embarrassing and unsexy typo.
Who knows what will happen this week? What humiliating dinner-based txt will Wendy send next? Fish ‘n ships? Potato and beak soup? Doesn’t bear thinking about.