Emily Writes goes to war with Elf on the Shelf and its disturbing surveillance agenda.
A 2015 picture book introduced Elf on the Shelf. Carol Aebersold and her daughter Chanda Bell wrote the book to apparently spread Christmas cheer. The story describes how “Santa’s elves” watch over children at Christmas time then report to Santa. Have they been naughty or nice? The elf knows. Sounds lovely doesn’t it?
Carol and Chanda don’t exist. The name Chanda should give it away. Chanda is actually an acronym for CHAllenges in Nuclear DAta for the Safety of European Nuclear Facilities. Carol is a false flag meant to make you think of Christmastime.
In your eggnog fantasies you dull-eyed, vaxxed to the hilt, 1080 supporting SHEEPLE have fallen for this grotesque surveillance programme hook, line, and sinker. I have always been a free thinker, I do my research. But we live in a world where people are ADDICTED to Facebook and validation through social media. Not me. And now I’m breaking this whole Elf strategem wide open.
E.L.F. – or Escalation (of) Left (war on) Freedom – could spell the end for us but too many mothers can’t see this! They just want to spread Christmas cheer and keep their children in line for a few sacred hours so they can drink and eat ice cream straight from the tub and wonder why almost all of the Yuletide emotional labour falls on women.
We live in a nanny state and the ultimate nanny is the Elf on the goddamn shelf. There is a war on Christmas and traditions are being destroyed by identity politics and pavlova-flavoured novelty chocolate.
The message of the Elf is one of compliance to the state. A child is brainwashed from birth to provide labour and tax to the government and obey all orders by The Man, AKA Santa H Claus. It is a contract made in blood from a child’s first December 25. A king is born and our children are his serfs, destined for a life of wage theft and capitalist oppression.
The Elf isn’t just the evil of this corporate-driven mass-marketed brainwashing tool – the very shelf itself represents the industrial prison complex. It is a way to ensure children give up their individuality to the system. That they follow orders above all else so that they are pliable and easy to get rid of when the Illuminati take this land of ours to host their 500 yearly beach BBQ.
The surveillance of the Elf begins children on a course of becoming comfortable with the state spying on them at all times. Is the Elf on the shelf? NO! Now it is in the toilet. It’s watching you poop and then it’s going to collect your poop data and you’re the one who let this into your home. This is the normalisation of continuing surveillance of poop data.
You have stolen your child’s privacy daily by posting a photo of them on a toy train that has been immediately sucked up by the cloud to be used to clone all of our descendants and make a new race that will be used in the coming war against liberty. The Elf on the Shelf furthers your betrayal by making children feel like being spied on and reported on is normal! I’ve been surveilled and I can tell you by gosh it’s no walk in the cold war snow. They watch me all the time. They monitor my Netflix and tell me I’m watching too many episodes of Barbie’s Dream House.
They steal my potatoes and they replace them with potatoes that are almost exactly the same but they’re not my potatoes.
You are not allowed to touch the elf. Just like you’re not allowed to touch the NSA cameras that they hide in your fridge to spy on your food. WAKE UP. The simple truth is that you can get away with anything in government. That covers almost all the evils of the time. Once in, nobody, apparently, can turn you out. The Sheeple will stand anything.
You can’t even take your shoes onto a plane anymore. You can’t take your shoes man. It all started in pagan times and it’s getting too late! Too late to overthrow the ideocracy!
Our phones can see us when we’re sleeping! They know when we’re awake! They know when we’ve been bad or good and they record it and give it to a a worldwide, galactical political cabal! Everything is recorded! I saw a dog riding a skate board!
Think free! Free your mind! Santa Claus was invented by Coke to get us all addicted. To stop us seeing the truth. Escape the totalitarian state that is your mind bro. Elf on the Shelf is an authoritarian master. You brought the government right into the only safe place you had left. You just invited the shapeshifters in, and gave them corned beef for dinner.
It’s too late. Too late for you, for your child.
Santa is a lie you capitalist pig.
The Spinoff Daily gets you all the day's best reading in one handy package, fresh to your inbox Monday-Friday at 5pm.