The Mighty Zuck, His Zuckness of Zuckerberg, announced this week that plucky startup Facebook was giving some serious thought to introducing a “dislike” button, for users who didn’t exactly “like” the post they were reading, but felt utterly obliged to click something.
Good idea. And why stop there? Here are a bunch of other buttons that Facebook should consider adding to the social media behemoth.
A Fuck That’s Fucked Up button
Because some things are fucked up and you don’t want to Like or Dislike those things, you simply want to acknowledge that they’re fucked up.
A Sleazy Wink button
In a sort of “that’s right baby I hear what you’re saying because I understand you deep down soul mate” sort of way.
A TMI button
Click this when someone shares too much information about their drunken feelings, their lunch, or accidentally cross-posts a dick pic.
An IDUYA button
To indicate, probably because of getting a bit LITT (long in the tooth), I Don’t Understand Your Acronyms.
A Tin Foil Hat button
We got that you were opposed to the TPP the 212th time you posted that conspiratorial codswallop, thanks very much.
A Gosh I’m Busy button
So busy there’s no way I could have noticed that invitation to the opening of your sculpture exhibition in a basement on the outskirts of town.
A Get This Promoted BS Out of My Timeline button
What on earth makes you think I would be interested in this? Wait, there’s a game? Cool!
A Scoubtful button
A button to denote nagging doubt about whether the site linked to covers earnest activities like orienteering or sordid celebrity exposés like a man from the television vacuuming his car.
An Xkeyscore button
When you think the user’s post might interest or titillate monitors at the NSA, GCSB &c.
A What Do You Think This Is, Instagram? button
For photographs of food or heavily filtered sunsets.
An I Have No Idea How I Ended Up Friends With You Did We Go to School Together Or Something button
A No I Don’t Want to Sponsor Your Incredible Month Long Contribution to Curing Cancer in Which You Valiantly Agree to Forego Custard Squares Except on Tuesdays button
A This Post Would Be Slightly Less Annoying Had You At Least Checked It for Spelling/Grammar button
A Well Done You Spotted a Spelling/Grammar Mistake Here Have A Biscuit button
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A How About You Try to Limit Posting Pictures of Your Little Darlings to Oh I Don’t Know Twice A Day For God’s Sake button
A Thanks But I Won’t Repost This Inspirational Message Because I Had My Fill of Pointless Chain Letters When I Was 12 button
An I Read This Shit Like Three Hours Ago On Twitter button
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