The Rio Olympics are about to officially get underway and what better way to celebrate than with a drinking game during the opening ceremony.
The opening ceremony for the Rio Olympics begins on Saturday at 10:50am. It’s going to be a long affair, probably even longer than Batman vs Superman, and no doubt far more entertaining. With the Super Rugby final on Saturday night, there’s nothing like a bit of day drinking to remind us all why we’re not professional athletes. And so, The Spinoff Olympic Committee presents:
The official* drinking game of the Rio 2016 opening ceremony for anyone who who has never been the best in the world at anything.
Take one sip:
- Whenever someone says ‘New Zealand’
- Whenever someone says ‘zika’ or ‘doping’
- Any time you see a selfie being taken
Take two sips:
- Any time there is an ad for Olympic coverage
- Any time you think you’ve spotted an official and then realise it’s our team uniform
- Any time they announce a country that you’ve never heard of
Take a shot:
- If a child sings beautifully
- If a world celebrity performs
- If Shakira debuts a new song written specifically for the games
- Once the fireworks start
Take three shots:
- If a child sings badly (RIP)
- If Gisele Bundchen gets mugged in a re-enactment
- If you’re a New Zealand print journalist who was meant to be there until that Sky thing happened
- If you see a female coach
- If the fireworks last longer than three minutes
Consume your beverage:
- When the torch enters the stadium
- When the New Zealand team enters the stadium
- If there’s awkward chat about the disastrous Chiefs situation during a lull
- When it’s finished and you can start preparing for the Hurricanes’ inevitable victory
End note: If you ever find yourself entertaining any thought that resembles “You know, if I actually wanted to and trained full time, I could go to the O-” DRINK EVERYTHING.
The Bulletin is The Spinoff’s acclaimed, free daily curated digest of all the most important stories from around New Zealand delivered directly to your inbox each morning.