The Rio Olympics are about to officially get underway and what better way to celebrate than with a drinking game during the opening ceremony.

The opening ceremony for the Rio Olympics begins on Saturday at 10:50am. It’s going to be a long affair, probably even longer than Batman vs Superman, and no doubt far more entertaining. With the Super Rugby final on Saturday night, there’s nothing like a bit of day drinking to remind us all why we’re not professional athletes. And so, The Spinoff Olympic Committee presents:

The official* drinking game of the Rio 2016 opening ceremony for anyone who who has never been the best in the world at anything.

*unofficial.

Take one sip:

• Whenever someone says ‘New Zealand’
• Whenever someone says ‘zika’ or ‘doping’
• Any time you see a selfie being taken

Take two sips:

• Any time there is an ad for Olympic coverage
• Any time you think you’ve spotted an official and then realise it’s our team uniform
• Any time they announce a country that you’ve never heard of

Take a shot:

• If a child sings beautifully
• If a world celebrity performs
• If Shakira debuts a new song written specifically for the games
• Once the fireworks start

Take three shots:

• If a child sings badly (RIP)
• If Gisele Bundchen gets mugged in a re-enactment
• If you’re a New Zealand print journalist who was meant to be there until that Sky thing happened
• If you see a female coach
• If the fireworks last longer than three minutes

Consume your beverage:

• When the torch enters the stadium
• When the New Zealand team enters the stadium
• If there’s awkward chat about the disastrous Chiefs situation during a lull
• When it’s finished and you can start preparing for the Hurricanes’ inevitable victory

End note: If you ever find yourself entertaining any thought that resembles “You know, if I actually wanted to and trained full time, I could go to the O-” DRINK EVERYTHING.