If you are reading this, it isn’t too late. It isn’t too late to disrobe from your disloyal, multi coloured garb. Fanciful? Yes. Patriotic? Not nearly enough. If you are wearing anything that isn’t a shade of black right now, I suggest avoiding eye contact with everyone on the street. Your laissez faire attitude to the most important week in New Zealand history will not be tolerated by true kiwis.
“You don’t care” you say? Well we don’t care about your kids, but we still listen to you talk about them when we go out for coffee. So pony up you apathetic Andrews and Angelas, put on some black underpants, some black trousers, buy the most reasonably priced piece of All Blacks merch within walking distance and get behind the god damn boys or so help me god, I’ll have a fucking hernia and that blood is on your hands.
We believe in you, boys.
The Spinoff Weekly compiles the best stories of the week – an essential guide to modern life in New Zealand, emailed out on Monday evenings.