It’s week four of celebrity deadlifting competition, Dancing with the Stars. Sam Brooks power-ranks the contestants.
Both episodes opened with two different choreograph dancers to Timmy Trumpets’ ‘Freaks’ featuring Savage. Did they get it for cheap if they played it twice? That’s a very specific choice!
I’ll tell you one thing for free! No paywall here, premium content right here for you. ‘Freaks’ is an absolute guarantee to get people going on the floor. Trumpets that sound like farts? Great! A beat that sounds like you recorded a mildly active construction site? Get me stomping!
Anyway, here’s week four of twenty billion.
ELIMINATED: Anna Wilcox (and Brad Coleman) – Quickstep
I don’t have much to say about this other than Anna is athletic, this was a step away from the full-on camp of last week’s Mamma Mia Pase Doble, and I thought she was back in this to win this!
Instead, she went home. I thought she would win this, which is proof that I know literally nothing about anything. Please don’t bet your house on my power-rankings.
Anyway, that’s that.
Judge’s score: 21.
9. Walter Neilands (and Melissa McCallum) – Cha cha
In his intro package, Walter does an impression of Joey Tribbiani. This feels like a dance by the kind of person who would do an impression of Joey Tribbiani in 2019.
I don’t have much else to say here, so I’ll say this: This season is stunty, y’all. There seems to be a lot more commitment to doing things that look incredibly impressive – flips, cartwheels, basically getting people off the ground in ways that could hurt them if they fell – and the actual dancing might be faltering because of it. So it’s more fun to watch, but also the judges might not like it so much!
Judge’s score: 13.
9. Nadia Lim (and Aaron Gilmore) – Tango
Oh my god Nadia! Go home! Take a rest, your osteo told you should be resting for six months! I’m worried for you, a person I’ve never met.
Anyway, she’s still here and honestly, this is the best she’s been. Aaron has found the sweet spot, and the chilliness that Nadia’s shown in the past few weeks is well-served by the song (Rihanna’s perenially underrated ‘Disturbia’) and her severe styling. She looks great!
Is it the best dance of the week? Nah. Is it compelling? Yeah, because Nadia Lim is a genuinely compelling human, and this is the first time we’ve seen this side of her in the competition.
Judge’s score: 19.
8. Mike McRoberts (and Kirstie McWilliams) – Cha cha
I would pay all of my weekly paycheck to find out everything Mike McRoberts knows about Dua Lipa, singer of ‘One Kiss’, the song he danced to this week. I just need to know, for my own peace of mind.
Anyway, here’s some photos of Mike McRoberts:
Judge’s score: 18.
6. Glen Osborne (and Vanessa Cole) – Cha cha
Vanessa is maybe my favourite dancer to watch on this show! She’s always engaged, always magnetic and seems genuinely delighted and invested in it. Not that the others aren’t all of this, but Vanessa takes it to another level.
Also, Glen Osborne might have the biggest hands in the world! He looked goofy as hell during this, but looked like he was having a good time despite being sick – what is happening down at the DWTS HQ? Is Jude Dobson poisoning the tea? Thoughts and prayers, everyone.
Judge’s score: 24.
5. Randell (and Brittany Coleman) – Samba
Randell! Still charming! Almost dropped his partner at one point, and honestly, if there’s one thing that you don’t want to do on Dancing with the Stars, it’s drop a lady. Rodney Hide dropped a lady once and now that’s what he’s most known for! The Right Honourable Rodney Hide, Lady-Dropper.
But he’s charm personified, a very good dancer, and the judges seem to love him. Keep on going, Randell.
Judge’s score: 22.
4. Laura Daniel (and Shae Mountain) – Samba
Great, again. Laura does the caterpillar, just like they did hundreds of years ago in Brazil, I’m sure. It was funny, hot and fun. Laura’s doing well. Once more, like a tree in autumn, I provide no shade.
Judge’s score: 23.
3. K’Lee (and Scott Cole) – Tango
Honestly, everybody on this show seems injured! What is happening?
K’Lee absolutely aced this – and then aced it again it, even better, in the dance-off. Fierce is an overused adjective, used by Jude here, but I would have to apply that adjective here too! It was fierce, it was fiery, and every week I love K’Lee more.
Also? Great harness work from Scott. Let’s get harnesses on more men, people! I want men to be safe while they bungee jump.
Judge’s score: 21.
2. Manu Vatuvei (and Loryn Reynolds) – Salsa
My review of this will consist of upside down Loryn! Ridiculous! If I was upside down anywhere near this much, I would be dead. Which is why it’s not called Dancing with the Upside-Down Sam, because that show would run for exactly one episode.
of the Spinoff’s first book!Find Out More
Judge’s score: 24.
1. William Wairua (and Amelia McGregor) – Hip-hop
Oh this is great! I’d advise you to stop whatever you’re doing right now, go to Facebook or ThreeNow or wherever this dance will live for eternity/bandwidth’s length and watch it. It’s bloody infectious, it’s what William does best, and he and Amelia have a chemistry that is electric.
Judge’s score: 25.
Love The Spinoff? The best way to support us is to join The Spinoff Members. For just $2 a week you can help us hire more journalists – and receive a FREE copy of our first book.