TelevisionNovember 7, 2016

Shortland Street Power Rankings: Curtis goes to prison on the worst Halloween ever


Tara Ward brings you her rankings for Shortland Street last week, including the sad departure of Curtis, Halloween disasters, and way too much condensed milk.

1) TK’s fabulous Halloween tribute to…um, Cheryl West?

It’s the halloween gift that keeps on giving. This is spectacular on a bazillion different levels, so feast your eyes, my pretties.


Wait til you see the gloves. AMAZING. Well played, my friend.


2) Curtis: “I’m taking this paddy wagon all the way to Invercargill”

Curtis’ Halloween sucked. Being sentenced to five years imprisonment was bad enough, but then he was transferred to Invercargill to serve his sentence. It’s about time Invercargill got the credit it deserves in a national soap, and being mentioned at least nine times in one episode should boost the town’s tourism by approximately 3.24%.

We’ll miss Curtis. On the positive side, he can now eat as many cheese rolls as he likes. Lucky bastard.


3) Kate saves Halloween with the best treat ever

Who doesn’t love scoffing an entire tin of condensed milk in one sitting? Bloody great work, Kate. I’m putting on my Cheryl West costume and heading round to the Warners’, ASAP.


4) Boyd’s Nightmare on Shortland Street

Struck down with a mystery illness, Boyd suffered a disturbing hallucination. He dreamt he was trapped in a relationship with a mad woman named Bella who wittered on about house ghosts and haunted dolls, rejected his marriage proposal and broke up with him.

Wait, that was Boyd’s reality. IT WAS TERRIFYING.


5) The IV, for this astonishing halloween celebration

“This is my fifth form ball, all over again,” moped Chris. I don’t know what the flaming heck kids get up to at private school, but if it’s anything like this shitshow then we should all be very, very afraid.


6) Chris is introduced to the taste of heaven, and his life will never be the same

Kate and Dr Love enjoyed a deliciously silky pash over a half-eaten tin of condensed milk. I should have seen this coming, because they both have great hair and their sons do a mean roundhouse kick. It was a moment so smooth you could have put it in a bowl with some butter and beat it until it was light and fluffy, and if this isn’t true love, I’ll eat a Chris Warner sized platter of condensed milk sandwiches.

Seriously though, who has three tins of condensed milk sitting in the their cupboard? No wonder Kate called it quits two days later. One tin is fine, but three is just weird. #warnerproblems


7) Rajiv is a birthday-hating misery guts

The mysterious Rajiv chucked a major tanty on his birthday. Settle down, Rajiv, it’s not like you have a secret balloon phobia or an irrational fear of unicorn cakes. OR DO YOU?! Holy hand sanitiser, I can’t wait to see what emotional complexitites really lie behind Rajiv’s steely glare and furtive brow.

Maybe Rajiv was shitty because he’d been fired by the DHB, but my money’s on the unicorn. Freaky mutant ponies.


8) Harper and Drew do their best ‘TK when he’s angry’ face 

 Like looking in a mirror.


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Mad Chapman, Editor
The Spinoff has covered the news that matters in 2021, most recently the delta outbreak. Help us continue this coverage, and so much more, by supporting The Spinoff Members.Madeleine Chapman, EditorJoin Members

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