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Jane Yee on The Block: Week Two, No more Mr Nice Dyls

Our resident Blockaholic Jane Yee recaps the highs and lows from week two of The Block NZ, including Dyls’ lament and a shocking neck tatt.

Holy damn! Like a Honda Jazz weaving around Auckland’s waterfront, week two on The Block NZ has turned an awesome corner. After last week I feared I might finally be experiencing Block Fatigue, but thanks to a trailer load of drama in sleepy Meadowbank this week, things are looking skux-as bro.

1) Room Reveal

Niki and Tiff easily took out room reveal this week, impressing the judges with their sophisticated, warm, textured, earthy, ethnic, Moroccan, tribal, boho-chic living room.  If this is the shape of décor to come then I’m off to Trade Aid to get me some rug beaters.

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2) The Decision 2016

Who would’ve thought the rinkydink rollercoaster challenge from last week would have such a lasting impact on the whole bloody season. The producers have spent years waiting for a team to give in to house-swap temptation, and this week Emma and Courtney made the big call.

As The Dylsz’ beloved House 3 was ripped out from under them, so too were all their hopes and dreams of becoming the world’s first bath sledding champions.

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3) No More Mr Nice Dyls

Bathroom-related Olympic dreams weren’t the only victims of the unprecedented swap. Emma and Courtney’s callous move also unleashed the beast that is No More Mr Nice Dyls. I, for one, am terrified.

Guys, Big Dyls is pissed. No one is safe from the wrath of a Big D scorned. His trusty sidekick has warned us that D-dog has real stamina when it comes to holding grudges. I’m crossing everything that this sulky teenage act carries throughout the full 10 weeks, because good god it makes for great television.

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No he won’t accept your stinkin’ peace-coffee, yes he will fly of the handle and accuse you of making off with his mirrored wardrobe doors (seriously though, keep them, that shit is ugly), and even when he’s wrong about the door theft he’ll pack a right pathetic tantrum about you stepping foot in his house.

Things are really dark in Dyls’ head. And you know what doesn’t help? Repeatedly failing pre-line on a house he never effing wanted in the first place, plus the threat of a $5000 fine for disturbing the peace in the wee hours. He’s a ticking time bomb folks, and the best bit is it’s only week two!

4) Class clowns

If there was any doubt in week one, then week two sealed the deal; Sam and Emmett have been cast for light relief. These playful larrikins awkwardly flirted their way through Freedom Furniture, made the gals giggle while solar-showering, demo’d their shit room wearing borrowed bikinis* and pulled out the funnies during a mock design consultation with a 10 year-old.

Probs not gonna win the big bucks on auction day, but who cares when they’ve won the hearts of the nation?

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*This week Emma said out loud “plenty of girls ask to borrow your bikini, that’s normal” – um… is it? No one has ever asked to borrow my bikini and now I’m starting to wonder why.

5) Wolfie gets to work

One of the dangers of a show like The Block NZ is that it can give the audience a false sense of how easy it is to master the art of building. Making awesome stuff out of a bunch of wood and nails and other materials I can’t think of right now is not as easy as it looks.

True professionals like Peter Wolfkamp probably get pretty pissed off when any old joker (Sam and Emmett) reckons he can knock together a house. To put us all in our place this week, Wolfie got on the tools and crafted a superb piece of carpentry that showcased why he’s the expert artisan in charge of this whole operation.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the condiment shelf:

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6) The Challenges

The design challenge this week involved jazzing up four rickety chairs with a stapler and some old dresses. Standard Block stuff – move along folks, nothing to see here. Apart from a chair with wings.

The classroom/prison cell challenge was far more intriguing. I especially liked how whoever came up with this concept didn’t consider the distinct possibility of someone pulling the encyclopedias out of the bookcase, or bumping the overhead projector, rendering the challenge impossible. I also liked how Mark was on the end of the blower with clues ahoy, but even he got so bored that he ended up just telling contestants the padlock codes.

Another well-thought-out top notch challenge, keep ‘em coming.

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7) Fraternising with the help

I’m not sure why I was under the impression that the contestants aren’t allowed to leave the site unless it’s to go hang at Freedom Furniture – perhaps I was confusing it with the prison that is The Bachelor NZ mansion? – but I was surprised to see Niki and Tiff knocking them back with their builder after tools down. Pleasantly surprised though, it felt like The Real Housewives of Meadowbank. More of this please.

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8) Super fly tradies

By calling them “super fly tradies” I am instantly giving away that I am not of their ilk, but I don’t know how else to frame them. I’m not used to seeing so many rad dudes on The Block. Remember Sarah and Minanne’s grumpy builder and Ben and Quinn’s mate rope-belt Tony? They ain’t card-carrying members of this here club.

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9) Tattoos

Because there are so many super cool tradies, there are also a hell of a lot of tattoos this season. Some of them are fine, and some of them are really, really not fine. I think we all know the specific tattoo I’m talking about, but I don’t want to say it out loud because – as mentioned – I’m terrified of Voldemort in House 3/House 2.

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10) The Cliffhanger

Leaving us on the edge of our seats this week is the high-drama enigma of the missing rope. Sweet, that should hold our interest for the next four days.

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The Block NZ airs Sunday 7pm and Mon-Wed at 7.30pm on TV3

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