Ahoy there mateys and welcome back to The Block NZ, where tempers flared like an over-primed diesel heater and emotions flowed down the broken downpipe of hopes and dreams. Tara Ward recaps.
Week two gave us drama aplenty as we witnessed teams fight like feral cats, Mark Richardson wave his umbrella around willy-nilly, and The Wolf lose his shit over some misplaced rubbish. Chin up Pete, you got one new Pinterest follower this week (might be me, can neither confirm nor deny), so things are looking up.
It’s Family Bathroom week, and we flushed the judges bizarre room briefs into the sewers of Block history. But the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, because Mark introduced the new ‘Give and Take’ rule.
Each week contestants must ‘give’ their room a handmade object and ‘take’ something from the judges, which they must then ‘give’ back to the room while they ‘take’ a moment to work out what in the sweet hell this competition is actually about.
Let’s not dilly-dally like a tradie with nine million herringbone tiles waiting to be slapped onto a waterproof wall. It’s time to make an inflatable raft out of a black rubbish bag and sail into the shallow waters of The Block NZ Week 2 Power Rankings.
1) Stu and Amy
Knock me down and cover me with an oversized dreamcatcher, because Stu and Amy soared where other teams chucked some rope into a glass jar and hoped for the best. Their winning bedroom was worthy of the cover of Home and Garden or TV Guide, probably even Farmers Weekly. Put it on all the magazines, even the dodgy ones, because this was a near-perfect vision of moody botanical goodness.
Alas, Stu & Amy scored a -5,000 from Agni and Claire, after the two teams locked horns in a dramatic custody battle over some wooden shelves. It was tenser than the time Agni couldn’t find Claire anywhere on the building site and then he realised she’d been their house all along. Still, there’s nothing that a few Macca’s vouchers and a fun trip to Mico Bathrooms can’t fix, right?
2) Ben and Tom
They slept through seven alarms, failed to finish their bedroom, and were slammed for their “immature” and “poorly executed” styling. But you guys, THEY SAVED A LIFE.
These two should be languishing at the bottom of the power rankings after that hot mess of a bedroom. But they’ve been saved, much like Chlo was saved when she choked on her dinner. No amount of Mark Richardson hyperbole could prepare us for the moment Chlo began to choke and Ben leapt up to “Heimlich” her, making that stuck carrot disappear faster than a shelf from a moody botanical bedroom.
Ben is an angel sent from reality TV heaven. Amen, praise be, may the judges have mercy on your choice of tiles.
3) Chlo and Em
Chlo and Em conga-ed their way into our hearts and minds this week, coming second in the room reveal and winning the Game Changer sudoku challenge.
But they also danced with disaster when their builder took off for Bali, they annoyed their tilers, and their raft-making efforts saw them sink to the murky depths of Hobsonville Point Ocean. It didn’t break them though, and even the possibility of “doing a poo in front of everyone” during the Game Changer challenge was met with an open mind from Chlo.
Holy sudoku on loo paper, what will it take to rattle these two? A hanging plant that’s too low? A McCafe flat white that’s too flat? I salute you, Chlo and Em, and may I conga in your shadow for the rest of my days.
4) Agni and Claire
Bless Agni and Claire, whose week sucked more than the dustbuster they accidentally left out as part of room judging. Their third placing in the room reveal meant they lost House 4 with their beloved black panel feature wall, and they became tangled in Amy & Stu’s sticky web of allegations about whether Agni or Claire works harder.
So, who does work the hardest? The truth is out there, and it’s probably hiding in one of the nine recessed shelves in Claire and Agni’s family bathroom. This looks like the room of my dreams, and if their timeless ‘Vibrant Green New Zealand With A Hint Of Mood And Atmosphere’ design doesn’t get these soulmates to the top next week, I will eat my hair hat.