Tara Ward brings you her rankings for Shortland Street last week, including undercover superheroes, fishy dilemmas, and Esther’s messy love life.
1) Rajiv is a superhero in a plastic apron
Whipping off his jacket and throwing it aside like he was Patrick Swayze about to pull Baby from the corner, Rajiv revealed that he wasn’t just a humourless number cruncher: he was also a humourless emergency doctor.
Beneath Rajiv’s miserable corporate husk lay the body and soul of a powerful healer, trained to respond in times of crisis and order four litres of saline like it was a matter of life and death. Which it was, obviously.
Dr Rajiv Prasad, Superhero. Ready to save the world, one budget line and/or broken fibia at a time. Be still, my beating heart.
2) Mo wonders about Chris Warner’s balls
Be honest, we’ve all thought about them at one time or another.
3) TK is a grumpy old man, again
Not even Princess Tilly in a cat costume could cheer this miserable bastard up. TK spent all week shouting “NOT IN MY E.D.” at Fun Police Rajiv, at the inept nurses, at the useless pot plant in the corner. No inanimate object was spared from TK’s wrath, and it was terrifying.
Dr Samuels was a mess, frankly, and worked so many shifts that he couldn’t hold a clipboard properly. Ffs, TK, you don’t want some clipboard-dropping, sleep-deprived idiot in your ED! Go home, flirt with Trina the Redeemed Prostitute and watch Pussycat Tilly eat ice cream with her paws. If that doesn’t cheer you up, nothing will.
4) Sass flounders over life’s big questions
Sass faced some important issues this week. Why did Hawks keep bringing her fish? Why did he disappear to Rarotonga after they slept together? What’s more important, love or muffins? Depends on how hungry you are, but I’m 95% sure the answer is always baked goods.
5) Chris saves the world
“Everything’s going to hell in a handbasket,” Chris wailed, as he rocked in the corner and lamented the Rachel shaped hole in his heart. Luckily Chris has mates like Kate and Mo, who prefer interfering in other people’s lives over sorting out their own personal shitstorms. They hatched a cunning plan to cheer Chris up by making him help the homeless. Best idea, ever.
“These people don’t even have ornamental wooden balls on their coffee table. Can you imagine the suffering?” Kate asked Chris. Such a tragic vision spurred Dr Warner into action, inspiring him to wrestle homeless teenagers to the ground to show how much he cared. Proud of you, Chris.
6) Finn is actually three years old
Finn channelled his inner toddler this week, throwing stuff, yelling and refusing to listen. “What do I have to do to make you love me?” Finn shouted mid-tanty, throwing plates onto the floor to show Esther how irrestible he was. Make a run for it, Esther, before he starts on the sugar sachets.
Also, shout out to the intense bystander in the background and his correct holding of the champagne flute. Anne Batley-Burton would be proud.
7) No wonder Cam turns to drugs
Breaking news: there’s a new menu at the IV. OMG, SO EXCITING.
8) Don’t panic: Esther has got this
There are some things you never want to hear a nurse say during a procedure involving your vital organs: “whoops”, “I’m sure it’ll be fine” and “you got this.” Someone get Esther a t-shirt with ‘I got this’ written on it, so that she can remind herself that she’s a fully qualified medical professional who is 100% proficient at sticking some pipe into an old bloke’s lungs.
If only sorting out her love life was as straightforward as saving lives. It’s ok, Esther. You got this.