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Shortland Street Power Rankings: Fifty shades of Ferndale

Tara Ward brings you her Shortland Street Power Rankings for last week, including Leanne’s street talk, Ali’s book tease, and the Warner’s controversial new room.

1) Norelle calls time on Ferndale and everything else basically 

This was a bloody howler. The tears poured down my face like Huka Falls in flood when Norelle passed away, with Kylie beside her until the very end. I may have even snort-cried, an attractive trait that I save for very poignant moments.

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Before she died, Norelle had an emotional talk with TK, a perfect day out with Kylie, and what about when she hugged Tilly goodbye? Pass me the tissues, I’m off again.

2) Leanne is original gangsta, yo

 Leanne was on fire this week. She administered sex advice, chose ‘cougar porn’ for the book group, and dropped hip-hop slang like she was Snoop Dog. I don’t know what the fizzuck ‘fo shizzle’ means but Michael was impressed, so YOLO, Leanne.

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3) Victoria and her award winning Resting Bitch Face

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4) Patrick points the finger so much he egg-splodes

Patrick is a bad egg. In fact, as far as eggs go, Patrick is a battery farmed, hormone fed, genetically manipulated ovum filled with listeria and salmonella and pointy-fingeritis. He’s anti-paleo and anti-women, in fact he’s anti-human. Bad, bad Patrick.

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Thankfully Jemima saw the light and turned vegan. The police locked Patrick away and Ferndale need never fear this nasty allergen again. (Until next week, anyway).

 5) Nothing says Book Group like a semi-nude Ali

 “I’m hot and ready and all yours!” One at a time, laydeez, one at a time.

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6) Welcome to the Warner…courtyard? Sunroom? Back hallway?

Why did Harry get drunk? Is Finn a bad influence? Who cares, there’s more pressing questions in the Warner household, like what the bloody hell’s going on with their new room? It looks like the world’s teeniest courtyard plonked outside the south-facing toilet, the one with the lino curling up and the cistern that never stops hissing.

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Are they inside or outside? Why is Rachel the same size as the giant pepper grinder? How spicy does Chris like it? #Warnerproblems

 7) Lucy turns over a new leaf

Lucy got more action out of this bargain-bin paperback than she did from new boyfriend Ali. But Lucy’s happy to put her passion on the back burner, because Ali’s so sensitive and respectful and OMG have you seen his silky eyelashes? Somebody get me a bucket, or a copy of that book, not bothered either way.

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8) The Suit is here to save the day

Ferndale’s answer to Harvey Specter swooped in to help Kylie defend the charges of assisting Norelle’s suicide, and suddenly all is well with the world again.

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Shortland Street airs 7pm weekdays of TV2, click here to catch up on TVNZ Ondemand

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