The author with her 'Bring Back Suzy Cato' sign in this week's audience for Dancing With the Stars (photo supplied)

Live from the arena of rhinestone grandeur, it’s Dancing with the Stars

You might not know that Dancing with the Stars NZ is actually filmed in front of a live studio audience. This week Miriam Moore was a member of that audience, and this is her story.

Not since the days of Legends of the Hidden Temple have I longed to be a live audience member as much as I have with this season’s Dancing with the Stars. This week my dreams finally came true. I traded the shrine of the silver monkey for the famed Glitterball Trophy, as we watched five local heroes get whittled down to four.

In the penultimate week of the competition the dancers had the challenge of strutting their stuff not once, but twice in the arena of rhinestone grandeur. What a time to be alive. What a time to be a live audience member!

The first theme of the show was the 90s, which in my humble opinion is a pretty rude theme to do after eliminating Queen of the 90s Suzy Cato. Suzy doing the sprinkler in a Kozmik sweater would have literally stopped all the clocks, so let us mourn what could have been. The second theme was a throwback to their most memorable year. At this point I was very glad not to be a star on the show, because mine was 2001 when I got my pen licence.

Being at the live shows lived up to my every fantasy. I got to see each judge take an Instagram picture of their outfit. I got to see David Seymour come out in his white Accor Hotels robe to greet fans before the show. Unfortunately, the opening group dance was pre-recorded, so I had to cancel my plan to sneak into it. Also, there was no water and I was parched so I believe The Bachelor tell-all horror stories.

You might not know the Dancing with the Stars studio seats approximately eight people.

After a disastrous “Paso-no-ble”, that was somehow more disastrous than the wig he wore, we finally said our goodbyes to David Seymour. Everyone had a very emotional “most memorable year”, which makes sense.

David Seymour’s sob story was that he got into politics. As an Epsom resident, this one really hit me in the feels. You do have to give him an E for effort. I will also reward an A for Amelia for being the unsung hero of this whole competition. I predict that David’s story will turn into a great play called David’s Dream Run, that will also give a high school kid who is really bad at dancing a chance to shine on stage in the lead role.

Prior to the show, Chris Harris was the only “star” I had not heard of. This is due to having never watched a game of cricket in my life. Multiple people have tried to drag me along with promise that cricket is a great place to drink a beer, but I am not sure they know there are many other places to drink a beer that don’t have cricket playing at them.

With an incredible rumba and impressive quickstep, Chris brought back the eyeliner this week. He continued to delight us in his genuine love for dance, and casually breaking gender norms in the most wonderful way.

This is something I truly respect in someone who is (apparently) a sports hero. Shakespear’s Sister ‘Stay’ is also one of my favourite guilty pleasures to listen to when I pretend I have emotions to be emotional about. Honestly Chris, if you win this competition, I promise to watch a game of cricket.

In her opening sequence, Jess’ interaction with a very talkative Furby triggered memories of my own 90s childhood. My dad once put mine in the microwave when it wouldn’t stop snoring at night. This was very unkind as my dad snores and I’ve never put him in the microwave. Thankfully this Furby suffered a better fate, as did Jess and Jonny who bounced back from the bottom two and slayed it with their tango and jive.

Jess was criticised for not quite looking fierce enough, but it could have been the scrunchie talking, because she was Sasha Fierce. Plus she finally got her 10s in the jive. But for me the golden moment was Jess’ childhood picture with Suzy in the hospital. My heart can only take so much.

Imagine being this close to Chris Harris.

Shavaughn and Enrique’s samba was the most fun dance of the season. They are also even hotter in real life. Their floaty Viennese Waltz was the exact imagery of what I picture myself doing in the clouds when that Kelly Clarkson banger plays. It was wedding-dress chic and it was incredible. For some reason, they ended up in the bottom two. They beautifully danced a second time even though they could have done 90s favourite the Macarena and still be safe against David Seymour. Statically, Shav holds the most high-scoring dances per type-of-dance. I really hope the public step up their commitment to Shavrique; they deserve so much more.

Sam and Aaron’s cha-cha-cha supposedly answered the frequently asked question “what happened behind the hat?”, but it just told us what happened after it. Maybe that is why they didn’t score as well, because to me their footwork was first class. Much to my delight I was sitting next to Sam’s parents in the crowd who are the CUTEST PEOPLE EVER. I felt truly blessed that this week instead of live-tweeting, I was live-assuring Sam’s mum that her mascara hadn’t run.

After Sam’s sharp and dazzling tango dedicated to her dad, Mama Sam’s eyes weren’t they only damp ones in the house. As the only finalist to not have been in the bottom two, Sam definitely has the support of the public. I think she may take this one out.

If you stand up for nothing, you will fall for everything.

With ol’ Dave out of the picture, next week’s final is just too tough to call. Not to mention we’re all still waiting for the outcome of the bring back Suzy petition. I actually took in a “Bring Back Suzy Cato” sign which I 100% thought was going to be taken off me, but I was on air for a good two seconds. Always stand up for what you believe in.

Although today my blistered hands are hungover from two and a half hours of continuous clapping, I would 10/10 live audience again.


This content, like all television coverage we do at The Spinoff, is brought to you thanks to the excellent folk at Lightbox. Do us and yourself a favour by clicking here to start a FREE 30 day trial of this truly wonderful service.


This content, like all television coverage we do at The Spinoff, is brought to you thanks to the excellent folk at Lightbox. Do us and yourself a favour by clicking here to start a FREE 30 day trial of this truly wonderful service.

Related:


The Spinoff is made possible by the generous support of the following organisations.
Please help us by supporting them.