Pooch Perfect is the dog-grooming reality show you never knew you wanted. Here are the famous dogs who we think deserve a spot to be groomed by the best of the best.
Tired of seeing dogs only on your daily walk or scrolling through your Instagram? Do you want to see some dogs looking their glossy best? Well, look no further than Pooch Perfect, the show that pits 10 professional dog stylists (yes, it’s a job) against each other in a series of themed challenges to find the best of them. Rebel Wilson of, yes, Pitch Perfect fame, hosts, while international styling experts Amber Lewin and Colin Taylor judge. Question: how does one exactly become an international styling expert? Is there a school? Can I apply? I’m pretty sure I have an informal qualification already in power-clashing.
Now, I know next to nothing about dog stylists, but I do know something about dogs. Or, you know, looking at them. Like the rest of the internet, I’m a big fan of looking at pictures of them to feel, scientifically, at least 57% better at any given moment. As such, I’ve arranged 10 dogs from fiction and reality who these dog stylists should take their scissors, sponges and shears to. (I have no idea how dog grooming works, clearly, but I am excited to learn.)
Is there any greater challenge than Clifford, the big, red (fictional, cartoon) dog? He’s 7.5 metres tall, and I’m sure Emily Elizabeth could use a break.
As the only dog on this list to have a starring role in a film that won the Academy Award for best picture, Uggie deserves to be groomed by only the finest.
Fun fact: Uggie is the only dog in recent years to have an Oscar campaign run on his behalf, but unfortunately (according to urban legend, also known as a cold hard fact) dogs aren’t allowed to be nominated for an Academy Award since German shepherd Rin Tin Tin received the most votes for best actor back in 1929. The award went to Emil Jannings, but what the hell has he done?
Is there a more famous, more iconic dog than Lassie? At least among dogs that don’t have Instagram accounts. And god knows, after 11 films across eight decades, Lassie probably needs a good brush and scrub.
(Yes, Lassie is alive. I will enter into no correspondence on this.)
According to this RNZ article, approximately 1,659 dogs registered with the SPCA in Auckland are named Bella. Chances are one of them is in need of a groom. That’s just science.
Spot the Telecom dog
He’s the dog who taught us how to use the telephone properly, back when we used our phones for talking rather than everything but talking to other people. The dog starred in 43 commercials over five years and did everything from skateboarding to conducting an orchestra. Don’t just give him a wash, give him a goddamned ONZM.
The dog who watches Country Calendar
Give this dog a damehood. Dame Suki 2020.
The only dog on this list who can slam dunk (although I’d like to see Clifford give it a hoon). Also? Basketballers get sweaty, so Air Bud is definitely in need of some sort of fancy bubble bath.
Jiffpom has 10 million followers on Instagram, and is the world’s biggest and most popular dog influencer. If you ever want to stop a conversation in its tracks with your gran, I recommend dropping the phrase “most popular dog influencer” on her. Guaranteed befuddlement.
But seriously, 10 million followers. Jiffpom has worked hard to get to that point. She’s the Beyoncé of dogs. Remember, you’ve got as many hours in the day as Jiffpom does.
Wishbone has travelled through time, into our books, and has slalomed his way through any number of myths and legends. Give him a glow up, he deserves it.
(Real talk: How many people’s first introduction to Shakespeare was through Wishbone back in the 90s?)
Insert a picture of your dog above. Yes, they deserve this too! And if you can’t give it to them, that’s fine. Give ’em a hug or a treat.
Pooch Perfect airs Thursday nights at 8pm on TVNZ2.
This content was created in paid partnership with TVNZ. Learn more about our partnerships here.
The Spinoff Weekly compiles the best stories of the week – an essential guide to modern life in New Zealand, emailed out on Monday evenings.