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Rosé Matafeo’s Sassy Sangria and the Tim Tam Batt Hardshake: get drunk on comedy

We asked Twitter culinary genius David Parker to create some delicious drinks inspired by shows in the upcoming NZ International Comedy Festival.

I made these drinks partly because someone left a bottle of rosé at my house and partly because I can’t resist a good pun. I rarely drink cocktails and almost never make them, but I think these turned out pretty delicious.

Image: David Parker

I thought Rose Matafeo was long dead, I even went to her funeral at The Basement Theatre a few years ago. It was bloody great!

However, turns out she isn’t dead and that wasn’t an elaborate Paul Walker-esq CGI animation of Rose on the latest season of Funny Girls. Instead she is alive and (presumably) well and has a new show inspired by the cliché rom-com role of the sassy sidekick, entitled Sassy Best Friend.

When I thought of some of my favourite rom-com’s, I felt like a sangria would be the perfect drink. It’s fun, pretty easy to drink, and you have to make a big jug of it, which is perfect for sharing with friends. If you’re feeling particularly sassy, you may not want to share at all (I may or may not have consumed almost the whole pitcher of sangria while writing this)

With rosé being a bit of a twist on what you’d probably expect to see in a classic sangria, I decided to keep this light and fresh by swapping orange juice with sparkling water, and in a bid to cling on to what little summer we have left, I opted for a summery selection of strawberries, limes, peaches and pomegranate seeds. Also if you want to be adventurous you could swap the mint for basil!

Rosé Matafeo Sassy Sangria 

What you will need:

1 bottle of Rosé

1/4 cup of sugar

1/4 cup of brandy

2 peaches, sliced

8 strawberries, sliced

½ the seeds of a pomegranate

1 lime, sliced

1 & ½ cups of sparkling water

A few mint leaves

Method:

Pour the sugar, brandy and sparkling water into a jug and stir until the sugar dissolves.
Add the fresh fruit, rosé, sparkling water and stir to combine.
Refrigerate for at least 4 hours before serving over ice with a few mint leaves.
Makes about five glasses but can easily be doubled for more people.

Image: David Parker


When I was thinking up food/drink-based puns someone suggested a Tim Tam Batt, and yes sure, any excuse to buy a value pack of Tim-Tams for ‘research purposes’.

Tim may have won ‘Outstanding Artist Achievement & Best Web Series, Podcast or Radio Show (NZ Comedy Guild Awards 2015)’ and sure he may be a fan of Griffin’s limited edition Squiggle-Mallow Top combo but Tim Tams won the ‘Outstanding Biscuit Achievement & Great snack, Comfort Food or Basic Sustenance (My stomach awards 2017)’ and I decided what better way to celebrate the Tim Tam than helping it find it’s own place in a milkshake. Many a shake has been made with the humble, and in my probably controversial opinion; overrated Oreo, but damn it Tim Tams deserve to take their place in shakes too.

To make this milkshake a little more ‘adult’ I made it into a hardshake with a little inspiration from one of my favourite cocktails, the White Russian. This turned into a pretty delicious hardshake and a great way to get drunk and eat about 5 Tim Tams. Alternatively you could just drink the alcohol and eat biscuits, but this drink seems less depressing. Hopefully the dude abides.

Tim-Tam-Batt Russian Hardshake

What you need:

1 shot of Kahlúa

1 shot of vodka

2 scoops of vanilla ice cream

Milk

Tim Tams

Whipped cream

Chocolate syrup

Method:

Put three Tim Tams in a plastic bag and beat them with a rolling pin to break into small crumbs. Put aside.
Place two scoops of ice cream into a cup and top it with milk and the shots of Kahlúa and vodka.
Then either pour that into a blender, food processor or if you have a milkshake machine use that.
Blend into a smooth milkshake and at the last minute add about a tablespoon of Tim Tam crumbs.
Drizzle chocolate syrup around the side of a glass, pour in the milkshake and top with a generous helping of whipped cream, the Tim Tam crumbs and a Tim Tam sliced in two

Disclaimer: Neither comedian was consulted on these cocktails, definitely not the official cocktails of Rose or Tim, they may actually hate them but I hope they don’t.


Rose Matafeo and Tim Batt are both performing their shows Sassy Best Friend and Ladies & Gentlemen as part of the 2017 NZ International Comedy Festival. Tickets on sale now.

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