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Ching! Ching! The great Spinoff millennial house-hunter grant just super-jackpotted to $100,000

Great news for young people struggling to buy a house while spending up large on window washers, cat whisperers and feng shui consultants. Inspired by big bank economist Tony Alexander, the Spinoff has one hundred thousand dollars for you.

A huge couple of days for li’l New Zealand. Lorde has released a superb new record. Alec Baldwin has performed a cover version of the greatest penis-themed deus ex machina in the history of NZ drama. And now the Spinoff announces a mammoth $100,000 prize for one plucky millennial house-hunter.

It was just less than a year ago, inspired by the loving admonitions of Squirrel Mortgages chief executive John Bolton and conveyancing lawyer Bruce Dell, that we launched a $1,000 grant for the first reader who met the combined characteristics they identified among the youngsters:

  • Have a leased new BMW
  • Have taken two trips to Bali in the past 12 months
  • Have a current Sky subscription
  • Be able to show a receipt for a 42 inch plasma TV
  • Be able to prove a spend of $200 on a single night out in the past 12 months
  • Be based in Auckland and looking to buy a first home there

Disappointingly, there was no successful application for this treasure chest, probably because those who qualified were too busy stuffing their faces with smashed avocado.

Almost as much money as the Spinoff prize which would almost bankrupt us

And today, we’re beyond excited not to double, nor to triple, but to hundredify that sum, off the back of fresh insights this morning from Tony Alexander, chief economist at the BNZ.

Uncle Tony has laid bare the reality of millennials’ life in a Stuff article headlined “Don’t blame the Boomers for high house prices”.

With the swagger of a veteran open-mic freestyle rapper, Alexander said the youths should buy a “dunger or even a meth house to strip, and do it up”.

He continued:

“Start out in a desolate new suburb of clay soil far from work, do up a piece of shite, or build and live in what will become your garage whilst building the rest of the house around you in the following few years.

“And how to finance it?

“Go to cafes and spend as much on lattes, muffins, frappes, wraps, etc, as often as the Baby Boomers did. Hire as many gardeners, landscape designers, decoration consultants, plumbers, feng shui consultants, window washers, dog walkers, dog washers, cat whisperers and general handymen as they did.”

So review your livejournal entries, millennials. Tell you friends. Lift your mushy green faces from your ironic vintage brunch crockery and check this list.

The first individual to email info@thespinoff.co.nz with proof that they – before today, come on now – have met the following criteria will win $100,000.

  • Under the age of 35
  • Have a leased new BMW
  • Have taken two trips to Bali in the past 12 months
  • Have a current Sky subscription
  • Have leased a 42 inch plasma TV
  • Have spent $200 on a single night out in the past 12 months
  • Have in past 12 months spent money in a cafe on lattes, muffins, frappes, wraps, smashed avocado, etc.
  • Have hired a gardener
  • Have hired a landscape designer
  • Have hired a decoration consultant
  • Have hired a plumber
  • Have hired a feng shui consultant
  • Have hired a window washer
  • Have hired a dog walker
  • Have hired a dog washer
  • Have hired window walker (optional)
  • Have hired a cat whisperer
  • Have hired a general handyman
  • Looking to buy a first home in NZ

Email now to claim your prize. Then you’ll only need another $80k or so to reach a deposit for an average-priced Auckland home.