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Mixed race girl playing doctor with stuffed animal
Mixed race girl playing doctor with stuffed animal

ParentsDecember 16, 2016

The Good Doctor: A paediatrician answers your questions

Mixed race girl playing doctor with stuffed animal
Mixed race girl playing doctor with stuffed animal

Spinoff Parents editor Emily Writes exchanges emails with a paediatrician and asks all of your hard questions – and some inappropriate ones.

Being a paediatrician is serious business. And as such they’re not really interested in answering questions a hypothetical editor of a hypothetical parenting section might ask about Hot Paediatricians being lusted after by thirsty mums. But they did answer these questions. And for that we thank them.

Dr Andrew Marshall is the Clinical Leader Child Development at Wellington Hospital. He took questions by email and selectively answered the appropriate ones. Thank you Andrew!

Emily Writes: When should a parent see a paediatrician, and when should they see a GP?

Dr Andrew Marshall: A child should always see the GP first. Your GP is the “medical home” of the child and family. If the GP has concerns that a specialist opinion is required, they will refer to the paediatrician for advice.

It’s really hard sometimes to get a referral to see a paediatrician – can parents self-refer? Would you recommend parents just ask their GP for a referral?

Parents cannot self-refer to a paediatrician. This is because most of the health issues their child has can be sorted out by the GP, who knows the child and family the best.

Playing doctor with stuffed animal

What would be helpful for parents to do when they come and see a paediatrician? Do you like it when parents turn up with spreadsheets of their child’s symptoms and behaviours or does it just annoy you?

It is really helpful for parents to bring the Well-Child Tamariki Ora (“Plunket”) book and – if they are from out-of town or have seen a paediatrician or specialist elsewhere or in private – the reports from the previous specialists.

It is also really helpful for parents to bring a list of questions or concerns to help remind them what they want to cover during the appointment. Information longer than a page or two will be difficult for the paediatrician to read during the consultation, so a brief list of major concerns or symptoms is helpful rather than pages of information.

Is it OK for a parent to get a second opinion? Do you mind?

It is completely fine for parents to seek a second opinion, and we don’t mind. It is respectful for the person giving the second opinion to read what the first person has said, and to write to that person with their opinion.

Why do some paediatricians and GPs ask – “Is it your first?” Do you treat first-time parents differently to say fourth-time parents?

It is helpful to know how much experience someone has had being a parent, because it can change the way we approach a problem.

For instance, if a first-time mum is having a breast-feeding problem with a newborn we would ask a lactation consultant to assess – the most likely issue is just learning the new technique, rather than there being a problem with baby.

If a mum who has breastfed several other children without difficulty has a problem with her new baby, we might still ask the advice of the lactation consultant but would be more concerned that there was a neurological or coordination problem with baby.

Lots of parents think paediatricians treat them as if they’re overreacting – I was told this by many parents. How do you feel about that?

When we see a common problem and identify that it is not serious, we try to be reassuring. However that sometimes comes across as though we are dismissive of the parent’s anxiety that something is wrong.

We acknowledge how stressful it is for a parent when their child is unwell or distressed, but we are relieved when we identify that the issue is not going to be serious or ongoing.

Do you have favourite kids? Do you get very attached to the children you treat? You always seemed to love my kid – do you say “your kid is my favourite” to every parent?

We love our job as paediatricians and, so, enjoy being with children as well as interacting with parents.

Sometimes we have been through a lot with a child and family, over a long period of time, and do get attached, but we always maintain a professional relationship.

What’s the hardest part of your job?

Breaking the news to parents that their child has a severe disability, cancer, or other serious or progressive disorder.

How do you deal with treating patients who have incurable and or terminal illnesses? What do you do to cope?

Everyone needs supportive friends or family to be with outside of work, to talk about non-work “normal” things.

Getting away, exercising regularly, having an outside interest like music to put energy into. We recognise that giving the best care to families means we have to look after ourselves and manage our workload and our stress levels.

Do you have any advice for parents whose children have incurable and terminal illnesses? Or advice for others to support them?

The most important thing for supporting those going through a difficult time is to listen non-judgementally and not to project your own thoughts, feelings, or interpretation about how the other person is feeling. Offering practical support is much more helpful than telling them how you think they are feeling.

What’s the best part of your job?

Seeing children and families who were very sick or very distressed bouncing back and doing well.

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What’s the most important thing a parent can do when having a paediatric appointment?

Turn up!

Are tongue and lip ties over diagnosed?

This is a controversial area, and there is no doubt that some children do have significant tongue ties that affect their ability to breast feed.

However the diagnosis of tongue tie and, more particularly, treatment can occur more frequently than there is evidence for. Sometimes the treatment can lead to complications when it was not clear there was a significant problem before.

Are antibiotics over prescribed in New Zealand for ear infections in babies and toddlers?

Yes. Most of these illnesses are caused by viruses, which get better by themselves and do not respond to antibiotics. We are exposed to too many antibiotics early in life – mainly through the widespread use in intensive animal farming, which leaves residues in food – and there is good evidence this is leading to increased allergic diseases (asthma, allergy) in western civilisation.

When taking their baby or young child to the GP, parents can help by telling the GP they’re okay about antibiotics not being prescribed if the GP thinks it is a virus.

It is important to state though, that antibiotics save babies lives if they have a bacterial infection. So that is why it is important to always get the illness thoroughly checked out by a doctor.

When should parents worry about developmental delays?

As soon as parents become aware that their child is falling behind other children of the same age in their developmental skills, they should get it checked out by the Wellchild Tamariki Ora provider (such as Plunket) or the GP.

What should parents really worry about with their kids? Are there any things you want us to know to be on the lookout for?

The main advice is to seek professional assessment if they are worried that something is not right. Parents should follow their “gut instinct”; they know their child the best.

Does colic just mean cries all the time? Is it a diagnosis just for first time parents?

Colic is a real phenomenon, and is really distressing for parents.

However, in most cases, it is a normal developmental stage and does not need medical treatment. A useful website to understand what is normal and what is not can be found at: http://purplecrying.info/

What about reflux? Is every spilly baby considered a reflux baby? Is there real help available for mothers with babies with severe reflux?

Spilling is also a normal phenomenon. Some babies spill more than others. Babies who are growing well, not distressed, and spilling a lot are being fed more milk than they need.

All small babies reflux stomach contents back into their food-pipe regularly, this is normal. However in some cases as baby grows, the acid in the stomach contents causes inflammation in the food-pipe. This can be distressing and painful.

In these babies assessment and treatment is appropriate. Very good and reliable information for parents about reflux and other health conditions can be found at www.kidshealth.org.nz/.

What do you think about amber beads and cranial osteopaths and naturopathy? Do you think parents are more susceptible to “woo” these days?

These treatments have no proven scientific or medical basis.

Should parents vaccinate?

Absolutely. Vaccination is one of the most important tools we have to prevent children dying. Vaccines are safe and really effective. The recent introduction of rotovirus vaccine as part of the schedule has dramatically reduced our admission rates with gastroenteritis.

How many times have children bitten you?

Never.

This is the third in our ‘questions for health professionals’ series. Spinoff Parents Editor Emily Writes has also interviewed a dentist and a GP with questions crowd sourced by you! If you have questions for a midwife, occupational therapist, psychologist, speech therapist or Family Planning specialist please email Emily Writes at emily@thespinoff.co.nz.

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This content is entirely funded by Flick, New Zealand’s fairest power deal. In the past year, their customers saved $417 on average, which would buy enough nappies for months… and months. Please support us by switching to them right now.

Keep going!
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ParentsDecember 15, 2016

The story of a mum (who tried her best but needed a rest) and the baby and the glitter

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We’ve all been there – just replace glitter with flour or eggs or dirt or cursed nappy cream. There are days that you just want to forget, but they are also days that will always make you laugh…or at least make others laugh. Eliza Jane tells us about her day.

Once upon a time there was a little boy who was almost three and sometimes he could be diabolical.

One day he found an interesting bag of something sparkly at the bottom of art supplies box.

He asked his mum, what is it?

And his mum (who tried her best but needed a rest) said, it’s glitter, even though it wasn’t really glitter, it was that stuff like coloured bits of torn foil paper.

No sooner had she said this than the baby tried to grab the bag and some spilled and it started to get Very Messy. So the mum (who tried her best but needed a rest) said maybe it was a big boy game better for when the baby was asleep.

And everything was ok for a while, because they played with something else.

But things were about to get MUCH worse.

Because later that afternoon when the baby was asleep they got the glitter out again.

The mum (who tried her best but needed a rest and was sometimes over-ambitious) put some double-sided tape on some cardboard and showed the little boy how to put the cardboard in a dish of glitter and make sparkly pictures. She taught him how to sprinkle it back into the dish, making a lovely glittery rain.  And everything was ok for a while, because they were having fun.

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But things were about to get MUCH worse.

Because the baby woke up. And the mum (who tried her best but needed a rest and was sometimes a complete idiot), said, ok you stay here and I’ll try and get your brother back to sleep.

Well.

The baby would not go back to sleep, and so the mum tried to feed him some milk, but then the little boy (who was almost three and could be quite diabolical), ran up all excited and said LOOK AT ME I AM YOVELY AND CLITTERY. And the mum (who tried her best but needed a rest and was actually fairly patient), said oh my gosh, you are very glittery, back in the playroom now while I feed your brother eh. And everything was ok for a while because the boy went back to his room.

But things were about to get MUCH worse.

Because he came back out again with a handful of glitter and he threw it at the baby. And the mum (who tried her best but needed a rest and was fucked off by this attack), said NO NO NO HE DOESN’T LIKE THAT GO BACK TO YOUR ROOM UNTIL HE HAS FINISHED HIS MILK.

And everything was ok for a while because the boy went back to his room.

But things were about to get MUCH worse.

Because the boy came back with another handful of glitter and threw it on his mum and his baby brother again.

And his mum (who tried her best but needed a rest and hasn’t yet figured out effective chaos management techniques for her child), put him in his room and shut the door and went to another room and shut that door too and tried to feed the baby.

And everything was ok for a while because the baby stopped crying.

But things were about to get MUCH worse.

Because the boy opened the doors and came out with a very big handful of glitter and threw it right in the baby’s face. And the mum (who tried her best but fuck it what does that even mean it’s been eight long months since the baby was born and this is still a day-to-day failure), said OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHAT THE FUCK KID THAT IS REALLY ANNOYING AND INCONSIDERATE. LOOK HE IS CRYING, LOOK YOU MADE HIM CRY, HE DOESN’T LIKE THAT AT ALL, YOU NEED TO RESPECT HIS BOUNDARIES.

And the boy ran away laughing and jumped on the couch, leaving a trail of glitter everyfuckingwhere, and sending showers of glitter all through the lounge with every jump.

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And everything was not ok but the mum (who tried her best but needed a stiff fucking drink) wanted to make it ok so she got the vacuum cleaner out, but the baby started crying as soon as she put him in his exersaucer, and the boy was still running around the house throwing glitter everywhere and so she said FUCK IT, WE’RE GOING OUT, GO STAND BY THE DOOR AND WAIT FOR ME WHILE I GET THINGS READY.

And everything was still not ok and the mum (who tried her best but was completely ropable) said DO YOU HEAR ME, GO WAIT FOR ME BY THE DOOR, WE’RE GOING OUT.

And then everything was ok for a while because they went to Te Papa and the boy played independently and the baby crawled around and the mum vented on Twitter.

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But things were about to get MUCH worse.

Because the baby started to gag and splutter and go purple. And the mum (who tried her best but was a bit panicked over what he might have eaten on the floor), hooked her finger into his mouth and pulled out… a piece of fucking foil glitter.

And then everything was ok for a while because the baby didn’t die.

But things were about to get worse again, although the baby almost choking is the peak of the bad things, so let’s chill a bit about the rest of it.

Because then they went home. And the house was still covered in glitter. And the mum (who tried her best and felt like this whole things should have been filmed and shown in schools to promote responsible contraception use) put the boy at the table with Doc McStuffins on the laptop and the baby in the highchair with a Cruskit and tried to get some dinner organised.

And everything was ok for a while because it was almost 6.30pm and surely the boy’s dad would be home soon and then he could corral the children and the glitter clean up could begin.

But things were about to get worse.

Because she called the dad and he was only just running to the bus stop. So she yelled WHAT THE FUCK YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME and hung up.

And everything was not ok because the house was absolute glitter chaos.

But even so, things were about to get worse.

Because the mum (who tried her best and figured she’d better clean this shit up), got the vacuum cleaner out, and the baby started howling, and then the boy did a wee in his trousers, and the mum said ARRRGGGHHHHHHHHHH WHY IS THIS MY LIFE.

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And the mum decided to put the boy in a corner of the lounge with the least glitter and set up more Doc McStuffins while she cleaned up. And she put the baby in the decorative but uncomfortable baby carrier purchased on a holiday in Vietnam in freer times when the children were not yet born, and vacuumed up some of the glitter while carrying the baby.

And everything was ok because this was sort of working.

But it was about to get worse again because then she vacuumed up a fucking baby sock and fuck it why are the fucking socks always fucking everywhere.

Then the dad came home and that was a blessing, and the mum unblocked the sock and then spent FORTY FIVE MINUTES vacuuming the house and getting glitter off the floors.

And then everything was ok because the boys were bathed and almost dressed and the floors were vacuumed and it was almost bedtime.

But then the mum (who was holding on by the barest of threads, awaiting the blissful moment when the children fell asleep) realised that the boy had got glitter all through his bed and that still wasn’t cleaned up.

The moral of this story, friends, is that if your mother-in-law gives you some glitter foil stuff for your kids to do art with, you should throw it in the bin immediately.

Eliza Jane is a mum and lawyer who is just finishing her second round of maternity leave. On days like Glitter Day she is stoked about the prospect of sending the kids to daycare soon, where the art activities are better organised. You can read her writing on her blog Tea and Oranges.


This content is entirely funded by Flick, New Zealand’s fairest power deal. In the past year, their customers saved $417 on average, which would buy enough nappies for months… and months. Please support us by switching to them right now.