Finally, we get to see the inner sanctum of zany couple Tracey and Neil, aka Beauty and The Beast. It is perfect that they hail from Orewa, a beach town jam-packed with their exact brand of dated and cheesey charm (for example, an excellent clothing store called ‘Charisma Fashions’ which Tracey undoubtedly has shares in). The insight into their home life began with shots of them in a sexy spa scenario, followed by them running a glamour shoot on the beach. Tracey is a makeup artist and Neil is a fashion photographer. They really love to dance and sing, heading to Countdown singing “It’s the final Countdown” (with Neil on synth).
The trip to the supermarket seemed to run smoothly, till they returned home to find that their snapper was M.I.A. In a weird half-french accent, Tracey dived into the back of her beige VW convertible shrieking “Where is my poisson?!” After locating the fish back at the supermarket, the pair got stuck into their “Fire and Ice” themed restaurant. There was dry ice, there were diamantes left right and centre – it was a real smokeshow. Back in the kitchen Tracey was inexplicably wearing cat ears, and Neil was piling gelatin into a bowl like something out of Flubber.
Arriving at the instant restaurant, the guests were greeted with a performance from the hosts that seemed like the beginnings of vaguely sexual magic show. Menu-wise, it’s not the food itself that intrigued so much as the faux-glamour magazine cover that it was printed on. First up was the snapper entrée, which was undercooked. Darth Neena tried to goad the heart-of-gold Bogans into being mean about the dish, but they held up against the dark side. The main was a well-received pork belly, a daring move following the previous episode. That’s Fire and Ice for you. The sweet gravy got a special mention from Gareth, little did he know that the unique flavour was a result of Neil accidentally making it with icing sugar instead of cornflour.
Before dessert the social media junkies Sam and Dan took to texting each other about the main course, justifying themselves by saying “in our generation that’s just what we do”. I would just like to point out as a member of their generation that I have never txted someone “lmaonnaise” at the dinner table. The “white chocolate mountain” dessert was an inoffensive panacotta type thing that lifted their score to 57, high above the Bogans. Sadly, Steph and June were biffed from the competition. Long live the Bogans. Long live their commemorative MKR tattoos.
Buzzword of the ep: clear tie between ‘fire’ and ‘ice’
Bogan burps: None (too nervous)
Prop of the ep: Tracey’s sexy cane
Screengrab of the ep: Are they naked??