The much anticipated new Taylor Swift song dropped today, along with a confectionary-tinged music video. Here’s a few hastily put together thoughts from The Spinoff staff.
“Is this the Frozen sequel?” – Spinoff editor Toby Manhire.
“This is the song that Veruca Salt would make if she escaped the Wonka Factory, went to high school, got into a liberal arts college and dropped out to pursue her real dream as a gallery curator. It sounds like an Avril Lavigne song if you added drums. It also sounds a little bit like ‘The Promise’ if you block your ears real hard. I do not like it. I expect it will grow on me.” – Spinoff culture editor Sam Brooks.
“The video clip looks like an ad for hundreds and thousands biscuits. But not even the real ones, the fake ones that are that lighter pink and not as yum. I have no comment on the song.” – Spinoff staff writer Madeleine Chapman.
“Between his deploying a hellish “Me / See / Ba-a-by” three-part rhyme to kick off verse two and closing out an already barely tolerable bridge with the truly reprehensible “You can’t spell ‘awesome’ without ‘me’!” Willy Wonka reboot cosplayer Brendon (Brandon? pretty sure it’s Brandon) Urie really pulled out all of the stops to try and ruin this one huh?
Overall though, this is probably inoffensive enough that it’ll do a couple billion streams by Monday. Given how many stylistic handbrake turns Taylor Swift’s pulled at this point in her career, it’s kind of unsurprising that this season’s attempt at a dramatic re-emergence kind of feels like a retread of a few previous modes, and while this one doesn’t hit as hard as the songs it most directly recalls (‘Delicate’, ‘Blank Space’ and ‘We Are Never Getting Back Together’), given that two of those three were monster hits and the third was probably the best song on her worst album, maybe that’s not a bad thing?” – Matthew McAuley, Spinoff partnerships manager.
“I was prepared to like it until Taylor yelled “SPELLING IS FUN” and from that point in the video I felt a little bit sick.” – Alice Webb-Liddall, Spinoff staff writer.
“I’m confused. I spent the entire Reputation album cycle wishing we could have the old Taylor back, and now she’s here…. and I kind of hate her? Historically I’ve had a pretty high threshold for Taylor’s candy-coated bullshit, but my god, that video. I realise that it’s knowing, that all that rainbow gunge represents an attempt to mix some salt into the sugar. I just don’t think it’s any good.
Also, ‘you can’t spell awesome without me’ is a terrible, terrible lyric.” – Catherine McGregor, Spinoff deputy editor.
“Taylor is that… normal… peeing you’re doing?” – Spinoff senior writer Alex Casey.
“Ugh my kids are going to love this shit. It’s going to be worse than Shake It Off.” – Spinoff parents editor Emily Writes.
“The video is like Mary Poppins, but set in the Sugar Rush game from Wreck-It Ralph mixed with some janky as fuck LSD. The worst part is when they start singing about how there’s no ‘I’ in team and when Taylor’s dress starts melting from global warming. Also, I love Brendon Urie but this is both a sin and a tragedy. Zero stars.” – Spinoff staff writer Jihee Junn.
Join The Spinoff Members for as little as $1 to help us hire more journalists and carry out more investigations. Or pay $8 a month and get a free Toby Morris-designed tea towel!
The Spinoff Weekly compiles the best stories of the week – an essential guide to modern life in New Zealand, emailed out on Monday evenings.