The entrances of election night, ranked

Which leaders made the most showstopping arrivals at party HQ on Saturday night? Let us cast our vote. 

In case you missed it, New Zealand held a general election on Saturday. Voters across the nation were glued to the results as they rolled in on Saturday night, but there was one important outcome that nobody could predict until the very end of the evening. Forget the party vote, pay no heed to who won your electorate, because the nation needs to know: which party leader made the most unbelievable entrance to their official election night party? 

The party doesn’t start ‘til they walk in, so we studied the evidence, interrogated the footage and we put our fat pens to paper once more. The nation (me) has spoken (sorry). Behold this highly undemocratic and completely binding assessment of which of the main party leaders made the most memorable entrance of the election night – for better or for worse. 

7. Rawiri Waititi and Debbie Ngarewa-Packer

While we didn’t see Te Pāti Māori co-leader Rawiri Waititi arrive at TPM headquarters at Te Kaha Beach Hotel in Bay of Plenty, the vibe inside was better than any entrance could ever be: party supporters sang waiata, waved flags and cheered behind Waititi. The mood was high in Hāwera too, where TPM co-leader Debbie Ngarewa-Packer told Whakaata Māori that the night was as much about celebrating the party’s supporters as it was about election night. 

6. Winston Peters is not John Farnham

John Farnham’s ‘You’re the Voice’ played as Winston Peters marched into the Duke of Marlborough in Russell, but ironically, Peters didn’t utter a word to the waiting media. All the nation saw was the back of the NZ First leader’s head as he walked briskly from his car to inside the party venue, and while there were cheers as he entered the room, Peters’ entrance was short, sharp, and unremarkable. He went directly to the podium and began to speak, as if to say: I know, we’ve all got better things to do. Mysterious? In the words of Farnham himself, “wo-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-ooooh.”

5. Chris Hipkins tries to push through

I like to think Labour's Chris Hipkins planned to drop a couple of jazzy cartwheels on his way into Upper Hutt’s Cossie Club, but sadly, we will never know if that was the case. Any plans for Hipkins to make a truly exciting entrance into Labour’s headquarters were thwarted by the mob of waiting media, who surrounded him and made walking forward almost impossible. Hipkins could barely move, which ended up being such riveting footage that both TVNZ and Three cut away until he started his speech. Better (election night entrances) starts now.

4. Qiulae Wong meets Britpop’s finest

The Opportunity Party leader hit the news last week for going on a big run, but on Saturday night, Qiulae Wong simply walked into Eden Park to greet party supporters. Opportunity missed! The most exciting moment was when she had to wait for a lift that was covered in an enormous picture of an upside-down Robbie Williams, which is the sort of shit you never see on a tour of parliament. 

3. Chlöe Swarbrick and Marama Davidson float serenely through the crowd

The Green Party wins the prize for the best venue of the night, with Auckland’s St Matthews in the City providing an atmospheric backdrop for some jubilant party celebrations. Swarbrick and Davidson arrived arm-in-arm and moved smoothly through the media towards the stage, unfazed by the flashing cameras and cheering supporters. One supporter even waved a green sweatshirt in the air as they passed him by. Absolute scenes.

2. David Seymour gets caught in jail

Act is the party for both libertarians and outboard motors, which is presumably why leader David Seymour arrived on Saturday night in a speedboat. He did the same thing in 2020, but this time, Sailor Seymour’s entrance took on an unexpected criminal turn. Having disembarked from his little ship of dreams, Seymour made the long walk up the gangway towards his party venue, only to find himself trapped behind bars. 

The thick metal gate that led out of the Auckland Viaduct was firmly locked, and nobody appeared to have the code. For a brief moment, it appeared as if David Seymour was in jail, a situation that was probably not on anyone’s election night bingo card. “I promised to be tough on crime,” Seymour laughed, a joke that weirdly seemed to open the gate.  

1.Christopher Luxon hugs everyone in the world 

He may not have claimed outright victory on Saturday night, but Christopher Luxon certainly made the most memorable entrance. Luxon arrived at National Party headquarters with the mood of a man who had just won 92.2% of the party vote instead of 29.2%, and by turning up as late as possible, built more anticipation for his arrival than his wife Amanda’s party platters. It may have been one minute to midnight, but Cinderella would still go to the ball. 

The Luxons glided down those stairs like they were members of the royal family. This was Luxon’s stairway to heaven and below him lay a room of adoring supporters, all of whom he seemed intent on greeting individually. He spent the next four minutes and 50 seconds giving at least 32 hugs, 21 waves, 19 handshakes, one selfie, seven kisses on the cheek, four high fives, one thumbs up and one finger point to his supporters. He crossed the floor, he leaned into the crowd and he clapped a lot to applaud… himself??

A new day had begun by the time Luxon finally reached the stage, but he was still in no hurry to speak. He bounded up the stairs, past the poor bastards who had been chanting “THREE MORE YEARS” for the longest five minutes of their lives, and clapped and waved and pointed some more.