‘Our last big fight was about: His right wing politics.’
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Age: 61
Gender: Cis female
Sexuality: Hetero
Ethnicity: Pākehā
Religion: None, ever, not my thing at all
Occupation: Planner
Length of relationship: 41 years
Children: Three living, one not alive any more
How we met: University
The best thing about my relationship: We have survived together a long time and dealt with some terrible things.
A problem we can’t seem to resolve: Growing in different directions politically over time.
This is how we share/separate our finances: Share most day to day accounts but have separate savings accounts and credit cards.
This is how we split chores and childcare:Cooking meals is 50/50, housework is mostly me but as I’m often exhausted from chronic ill health it just doesn’t get done. He mows the lawn. Childcare was almost always totally me for endless years.
Our sex life in three words: Not very often.
The thing that makes me a good partner: Putting up with his bullshit on the regular.
The thing I need to work on to be a better partner: Kindness and patience ;)
What I most appreciate in my partner: Him just being there, sometimes being intelligent and funny, earning enough money to pay for my much needed health insurance.
What I most resent in my relationship: Inertia, stalling when important decisions need to be made, grumpiness, his newfound love of right wing politics.
The thing that has changed the most about my relationship over time: His right wing politics.
It would surprise people to know this about my relationship: His right wing politics.
Our last big fight was about: His right wing politics.
If I hadn’t met my partner: I wouldn’t have had my wonderful marvellous kids who have become amazing adults I love dearly.
I expect my relationship to last until: death because I’m too tired to do anything about it!
My relationship advice is: Think about the history of your potential life partner’s family – are they crazy? Is your partner neurodivergent, or are you, or are both of you? Really try to imagine a life with them, with both good and bad scenarios. Listen to your own feelings and decide what you can put up with. Once you’re in the relationship, try to be kind to each other as much as possible.
