Tuesday, March 10, 2015 was just an ordinary evening on X Factor twitter. Jokes were made, memes were shared, the #xfactornz hashtag was enthusiastically tacked on to these jokes and memes, for fear of our hilarious content floating, unheard, into the abyss. We all rejoiced as national hero Joe Irvine was put through to the live shows. Then.

Joey on Twitter.

This is a recap of Joe Irvine’s first week on Twitter.

PROLOGUE

Friday, February 20,  2015

At this stage it looks like Joe is a twitter troll. Egg avi. Messy twitter handle. There is a lot to be improved upon, but we’ve all been there, Joey. EARLY DAYS.

It is a nice and simple opening tweet that both asks any followers you have already acquired what is up with each and every one of them individually, and also asks, in general terms, what is up with this twitter website. This is also a full 18 days before the episode confirming that he has made it into the top 12 is aired so he is playing it coy, waiting for his big moment (running on the beach, arms flailing, careening into the ocean).

FIRST WEEK PROPER

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Melanie Blatt retweets Joe Irvine, alerting the world to his raw, yet enthusiastic twitter presence, and thus begins one of the great first twitter weeks.

I won’t lie to you, that is grim and mysterious as all hell. Joe, what are you trying to tell us? Has this newfound fame come with added pressures and anxieties? Are all these once in a lifetime experiences merely bringing into focus how you still aren’t content with your life? Are you merely trying to tweet a photo of a lady who is tough, sweet and funny? We need to know Joey.

Ignoring the bleak and existential image Joe has just tweeted, veteran twitter users move in like a pack of ravenous wolves, swiftly following Joe and @-ing him, in an effort to gain a “follow back” whilst Joe is still vulnerable and learning how to navigate twitter.com. These people all feel a rush as their cunning and quick instincts are rewarded, but they will look back with remorse and shame, take it from me (one of the ravenous wolves).

Joe, the kind, beautiful angel that he is, engages with as many of these people as he can. We are lucky to have him.

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Don’t get it twisted though, Joe isn’t just here for boring ol’ niceties and generic fan appreciation. Joe has been name searching and is not shy about dunking on his haters.

Brruuuuuuhhhhhh, sit the f*** down, Wes. Hi hater. Bye hater.

Joe has updated his twitter bio and it’s very endearing. He’s made 521 new friends on Facebook in one day. That’s a lot of friends!

Thursday, March 12, 2015

10:06pm.

Joe is trying to get laid on twitter dot com. This is the “u up” of tweets.

This was bound to happen and frankly, it is a rather naïve and innocent way of trying to get laid on twitter. Someone needs to tell Joe about the DMs. It’s all about the slide-in, Joey.

Joey this is black nothingness, not a lady! Second attempt at tweeting this picture and again nothing. I don’t know what’s going on here, Joe! Do you see a real life human lady in that darkness? The light at the end of the tunnel? Is that the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard or the bleakest? Or is your phone just playing up??

Well, this is just good twitter. This is really good twitter. Joe loves Hilary, Hilary loves Joe (she retweeted this very good tweet), New Zealand loves Hilary and also Joe. Great online content.

What are the social media people at X Factor even doing?! They’re asleep at the wheel!

Sunday, March 15, 2015

Finally, on the morning of the first live show, Joe has a twitter avi, and it only took 3 days of intensive social media training. He looks incredible. Still at a relatively paltry 123 followers, but that’s probably going to increase one can only imagine.

Oh, Joey. Oh, no. Aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

IRL, Joey faced that punk ass, nonsensical tirade like a goddamn hero. Most importantly, in the tweets, he nailed it. Simple, silly and endearing as hell. Look at those pants! Damn, Joey, stunt on ‘em haters.

It’s happening. Joe has gained 1400 followers in hours. He’s blowin’ up.

Oh my god. This has really gone viral. Joey has gone viral. That was lovely of dear old Ed to say. Shout out Ed. Celebrities are doing sick-ass burns on Joe’s behalf, this is unbelievable.

This is so sweet! Joey can be an easy target for jokes and ridicule, I guess. He is emotional, from Invercargill and runs into oceans when he receives good news. But, my god, is he a great human being. Vulnerable, upbeat, self-deprecating, grateful – he’s making it really fucking hard for us cynics to be cynical. I love you, Joe.

What a way to cap off your first proper week on twitter dot com. Getting recognised by Lorde is the pinnacle in terms of potential life experiences for a New Zealander, right up there with retweeting this Suzanne Paul tweet and judging someone for being somewhat confident.

Joe has talked about how he struggled to connect with people growing up. Even his family. He didn’t have many friends.

Now he’s got 13,000 new friends.